Bill Maher – ‘The Emperor’s New Ho’?

     Friends and critics, our last post took a swipe at television’s Craig Ferguson, host of the Late, Late Show on CBS. The slight was not intended toward Craigy but meant to point out how irresponsible CBS is in choosing sponsors. We at CFYSA admire Mr. Ferguson. He is an excellent author of film, novel and biography, a highly intelligent personage and a fun guy, as well. He may decry the use of illegal substances for himself but is still kind enough to do ‘tricks for stoners’ on Fridays nights, when they watch in ‘high’ concentration.

     God Bless You, Craigy, and all of your zany ways!

     This behaviour is in sharp contrast to the anaconda-like personage of Bill Maher, poster child for liberals worldwide. Maher used to be funny, up to date with contemporary society and a viable force in the last presidential election. Most young liberals who were on the Obama bandwagon laughed as Maher poked at George W. He made sense and he smoked pot.

     Fast-forward, not even two years…Obama is in office, due largely to votes gathered in colleges and other hotbeds of liberalism. Once the Saviour of America won the office, he decided to show his voters how interested he was in their lives and concerns. He opened up the White House computer bank to a ‘Town Hall Meeting’ of email questions. When more than 75% of the emails asked what he would do as regards legalization of marijuana, he laughed them off and suggested that the voters who sent them were ‘high’ and laughed off his largest core constituency, next to black voters. A lot of the black voters wanted legal pot, too.

     Following this debacle, a law was passed in Washington DC, allowing the use of medical marijuana for people who live in the District of Columbia. This accomplished, any senator, congressman, president, representative or lobbyist with a brick-and-mortar address in DC can feign a headache and get high grade marijuana whenever they have the urge. Not us.

     The majority of the remaining citizens of the USA cannot afford such medicine, even if we have cancer of MS. We are the poor schmucks who pay for the ticket so these left and right wing con artists can ride the reefer bus. This is where Bill Maher comes in.

     Maher has taken to criticizing the Obama administration, yet not with the zest with which he attacked W. Along with this, he has (or his writers, more like) fallen far out of touch with the american middle class, who he pretends to champion.

     Maher loves to talk about his ‘volcano,’ a marijuana-smoking device which vaporizes MJ so that it may be ingested without the danger of inhaling smoke. This piece of equipment costs more than most motor vehicles I, and many of my friends, ever owned. He jumps at the chance to note how expensive the weed he smokes is. He rubs it in our faces.

     It is amusing when he claims that his genetics and behaviour make him immune to diseases which plague many people and are simply unavoidable. He never gets a common cold, he claims. This is because he lives in a bubble and has no contact with people at large. No matter how healthy you are, if a person on a plane is sick with something that is contagious and they sneeze during flight, most people will catch the virus. Not our Bill, however. He claims it is because of his superiorly-expensive diet but we know it is because he has a private jet and all crew members wear rubber gloves, changing them for new pairs frequently. He IS a comedian and this stuff MIGHT be funny, if he were not dead serious.

     One of the swipes he took at Obama, after helping his campaign with sly jokes and witty rhetoric, concerned the stimulus checks of last winter. Laughing at how useless they were, he cited these $600 checks as not enough to buy a bag of pot with. In my case, $600 goes a long way in filling the oil tank and keeping my house warm so cats and kitties and myself live in comfort. I have to admit, it came in handy.

     Another thing that irks old Bill are those damned fatcats who selfishly hoard cash while we common folk strive to survive. Annoying him, too, are network broadcasters with opinions which differ from his. He mocks the easy lifestyle they lead on a network paycheck.

     HBO is the largest, richest, greediest, television franchise in the world. Maher has the catbird seat, commanding the primest of time available on the cable company. His pay surely triples that of most lowly network newpersons, dwarfing the compensation of these true journalists, and at the same time trivializing the importance of real news.

     Why learn about the real thing when it is more fun to hear Maher’s writer’s comic take on it? I am assuming that he has writers because, in the past, a lot of his jokes were funny, rather than pathetic. The new season starts soon. The network advertisements, alone,  for this lackluster foppery probably cost more than your parents made in their lifetimes…and so will residuals from rerunning it in other countries and formats.

     He is not your friend. He is a huckster who profits by running his mouth and depending on you to believe in his sincerity, like when he stares quietly into the camera at the end of each show and speaks softly, as if he is there in your livingroom with you. Except he would never come into YOUR livingroom. You are too fat and too germy for our Bill.

     While recoiling at the thought of a new season of this pap, one must admit that he does get some good guests who have good opinions. It is too bad that he overrides this windfall of intellect by talking over his learned guests. They are obviously imported from other news shows like Meet The Press, Face The Nation, The McLaughlin Group and others, in an effort to make Bill appear to be ‘in the know’.

     His time is as limited as his sensitivity to his core fans. He is as timely a comedian as Jimmy Durante, except Durante could sing, dance, joke – but above all he had ‘Class’.

     Craig Ferguson is another guy with Class. He should be on HBO and Maher should be relegated to following Jimmy Fallon at 3am on whatever channel takes him. Craig never talks down to his audience. He demeans himself, something Maher would never have the self-confidence to do. Craig can talk about philosophy, politics, masturbation, psychology, literature and sex, sex, sex, bringing it all together brilliantly. He is a gentleman. He makes us feel good.

    Bill has no Class. He is no gentleman. He sucks. Maybe this season he will have new writers and a better attitude toward us little people, as he and Obama regard us.

     Craig’s Late Late Show is on weeknights at 1237amEST, following David Letterman.

     He is a man of the people, as opposed to Maher’s take at being the whore of babble-on. Maher could have been an important force, as proven in 2007. Maher coulda been a contender. Now, he just sucks – on his pricey vaporizer.



Filed under essays, fiction

7 responses to “Bill Maher – ‘The Emperor’s New Ho’?

  1. Another great article, Michael. I must admit that Bill Maher and Craig Ferguson aren’t really guys I’m familiar with. In Scotland and Korea we don’t get a lot of these shows, although my girlfriend has made me watch Ferguson once or twice.

    The last time I think I saw Maher on TV was probably three years ago. He seemed amusing, but reading this makes me feel that perhaps I misjudged him. Pot smokers are stuck in this together. There’s no need to gloat over expensive gear. What a jerk.

    • thanks, david!
      yes, ferguson is a talented guy. he just stopped being a scot and got americanized. his novel, between the bridge and the river, set in scotland and france, i think, was really well done for a first novel. the movies he writes are amusing, too, like ‘saving grace’ and a few other i can’t think of at the moment.

      maher lost touch. he is still pals with michael moore, the other weaselly touchstone of liberalism. moore does all those movies about chasing down executives and sticking up for the little guy but i wonder how many people have seen the movie ‘manufacturing discontent’ about the real michael moore who is a rich capitalist who owns shares in dick cheney’s haliburton. these guys are of the same ilk. they portray themselves as sympathetic but as soon as they get a pocketfull of cash they disappear like a snake oil saleman with a valise full of cash.

      btw, i have nothing against liberals, except that they always assume that i am liberal because of my appearance. i admit to being a capitalist and secretly hope the republicans win and boost business. obama just signed a deal today to sell $60 billion worth of arms to saudi arabia so we can expect a quick end to any hopes for peace in this world and it is liberals who put him there to do it.
      seems rather backwards…liberals selling arms.
      what has bill maher brought us to?

      • I am myself a liberal, as you know, but yes, even liberals are human beings. We are douchebags and scumbags, just like conservatives, and that is of course exacerbated when we get money. Money causes people to do nasty things, as history has proven beyond any doubt.

        I really don’t know anything about Craig Ferguson. I’m away to do some research…

  2. the best way to research craigy is on youtube.
    i think i showed you the vid of his prince charles with the terrible yet funny make-up. the material in that piece was not as good as some others. he is funny, he has his own schtick and catch-phrases and is semi-vulgar in a beavis/butthead way, always finding the naughty word and highlighting it.

    he always talks about how cheap CBS is and how they don’t give him any cash and so instead of paying a co-host he had one made. a mechanical robot with a skeletal head with fake flames, a take on the nick cage flick. the robot, named geoffrey pedersen (as in peters in) is the sidekick’s name. it is a great concept, really.

    i strongly suggest his first novel, to you especially, as it is set in two countries with which you are familiar, scotland and france. Where the Bridge Meets the River is the title and it is a clever title, at that, as you will see once you get to the end.

    • no, david, thanks, but i will certainly take a look. it looks like it may be derisive of bill maher so i will look with great interest…a little busy at the moment abusing some substances…

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