Its Alright Maher (I’m Only Bleating) and more

***Today, we bring Abuse Bitz, Substance Abuse-related, short topics from here and there. It will be a regular feature*** 

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     HBO, the beast with two heads, brought us a new season of Bill Maher’s Real Time on Friday. Bill responded in kind by introducing his first guest of the new season, Michael Moore – another beast with two heads. It looks like he has two heads, at least, when they try to fit the wad of flesh under the baseball cap onto a single screen. It should have been reformatted but news is that, due to new trade agreements, the Chinese telephone directory companies have contacted Moore to ask for their ‘Chins’ back. Once accomplished, the whole head may fit to screen.

     That was an old joke but so is the act that Maher and Moore perform, the act of ‘caring liberal’. At the top of this article is a poster from the movie Manufacturing Dissent. It shows Moore for what he really is, a big, fat capatilist who owns stock in Dick Cheney’s war machine. It also shows an abrasive, scared, pathetic fool (Moore), trying to hide his own dirty laundry from a film crew which started out as fans of his and were not looking for dirt.

     The fact that Moore is receiving the John Steinbeck Award is too ironic to be humorous. The Herman Melville Award posed a much better fit. Steinbeck’s immediate family gone, so it is easy for strangers to co-opt his spirit and hang it on a pig, like a straw hat co-opted in Juarez and placed on a painted donkey. It is just wrong.

     Maher started out weak, sticking to familiar material, like defending Bacarat Obama, the man who is gambling our country away. It was obvious that Moore was brought in to add some needed weight to the season opener. Bill is fading fast in the tail lights of liberal popularity. While Obama has a lower approval rating than George W Bush, after only 18 months of avoiding the wishes of the people who voted for him, Hillary Clinton is more popular amoung voters and it seems like a woman President deserves a chance, now that our uber-liberal choice has turned out to be a $60 Billion war broker.

     What does this have to do with substance abuse? Where else can it lead? Who isn’t going to want to escape the reality of Maher, Moore and their deceptive, greedy. self-righteousness and the pathetic pantheon of liberal followers who have not gotten it yet? Gimme a Guinness, and a Magner’s, too. It is 745am and I need them both.

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     On the K2 front, our team of experts has been continuing to experiment in the name of  heads everywhere. Many people say that K2 is crap and that most of it is knock-off, fake product, which is worthless. That is because they have not tried it and, frankly, Gentle Readers, it is better for them if they do not. It leaves more for us.

      One full month of experiments have cost a grand total of exactly $100 to date. This figure covers daily testing, several times per diem. I have bought knock-offs but they were good. They had slightly different labels and one tasted a little better but it comes down to this – five tokes and take a nap, three-four and you are nice and happy.

     I have heard conflicting reports about use of K2, JWH018 and similar compounds in the US Armed Forces. A month or two ago, I got a copy of an email that showed a ton of wonderful, sticky, black hashish from Afghanistan which had been siezed by authorities in the Soviet Union. Soldiers are drug tested so they were more interested in K2 than checking vehicles for hash or assassins (the word ‘assassin’ is a derivation of the word ‘hashish’, btw). Other sources say that the military has started testing our fighting forces for the scourge of K2 but have not been very keen on catching any other scourge, except maybe a pandemic of PTSD.

     Obama is spending mostly all the money the USA has on the military budget and the Afghans still manage to smuggle a ton of hashish out of the country under our noses? A ton of hashish weighs at least 1,800 pounds more than Osama Bin Laden and takes up considerably more space. It is almost as smelly, too. We have been trying to get him out of that same country for how many years? If the Army just employed the use of bloodhounds, they could find Bin Laden, tuit de suite. They even had his warm underpants to use for scent. One can only assume that we have a reason for not finding him, which may be explained to children after we are dead.

     Kudos to those crafty substance abuse enablers who got the hash to the soviets. The fact that they smuggled a ton past all those US soldiers is just one more indication of the brilliance, determination and love of drugs and how no army can stop it.

     It makes me proud to be a substance abuser!

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     Tonight, the other side of the two-headed HBO monster brings us an excellent offering, Boardwalk Empire, showcasing the talents of two of our fav substance abusers, Martin Scorcese and Steve Buscemi. So much has been said about Scorcese and his love of cocaine that I will not bore you with that and we small take a peek at Buscemi, who has amused and endeared us in wonderful roles in terrific productions like The Sopranos, The Big Lebowski, Fargo, The Simpsons, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Miller’s Crossing, Airheads and so many more!

      Buscemi, the substance abuse afficianado, is currently directing Queer, a film based on the book by William S Burroughs. Aside from bowing at the altar of that gentle and much-adored, wife-shooting, heroin-loving hero of the Beat Generation, he is also acting in a film version of the Jack Kerouac novel of 1957 (the same year in which Steve, Shane MacGowan, your Humble Author and many notable droogies were born), On The Road.

     While often cast as a  fast talking sleaze, Buscemi remains a solid guy, a man’s man, despite the fame. While studying acting under John Strasberg, he also worked as a NYC Fireman, Engine #55, from 1980-84. When the events of 911 deveasted the city, Buscemi worked anonymously, 12 hours a day for weeks, digging through the rubble of his old fire station, looking for missing firefighters.

     To this day, he still remains a volunteer firefighter with #55.

     As happens to many substance lovers, Buscemi was involved in a barfight about nine years ago in the hick state of North Carolina. He was stabbed in the throat, head and arm. He sustained a sweet scar to the face, which is hidden with makeup for films. Fellow actor Vince Vaughn was arrested for coming to his aid. Thanks, Vince! It makes us wonder what Vince was doing there, in a bar full of substances but we are glad he was…and what do you do in a bar full of substances?

     Watch Steve Buscemi tonight on HBO but if you really want a sleazy fast-talker, I would suggest Maher or Moore. It is their specialty.

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     The gang here at CFYSA would like to take a moment to remind you all of the upcoming elections. It is important that all substance abusers unite and put there votes behind a candidate who will stand up for our Constitutional Right to do what we want with our own bodies and minds.

     If you have found such a candidate, support them! If you have not found a concerned civil servant, get off your collective asses and find one who will work for you. Time is running out.

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     While Gil at the Office of National Drug Policy is quick to inform us that 21.8 million Americans, age 12 and up, abused illegal drugs last year, the figure pales in comparison to the 205.8 million barrels of beer produced by the US in the same year.

     That is actually a drop of 5 million barrels from 2008, which is unfortunate, since 210 million barrels would allow reach substance abuser 10 barrels each! At approximately 31 gallons per barrel, it could have knocked the socks of off the illegal drug market. It is brain-damaging and fattening; it causes traffic accidents, disease, violence, tv sports and other such forms of depravity. Ten barrels for each abuser! Yeah!!! It is really less than ten bottles a day, per person, but, hey, it is abusable product!!!

     Too bad it is legal.

    

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3 Comments

Filed under essays, fiction, news, Uncategorized

3 responses to “Its Alright Maher (I’m Only Bleating) and more

  1. I’ll have to take a look at that Michael Moore film. I never liked the bastard, although I always admired his assaults on the government. It’s a shame that he’s such a sneaky, two-faced prick.

    As for the K-2, I still am not convinced that the negative reports come from the unexperienced. I believe that like any drug, there are probably crooked swindling dealers shifting cheap versions. The stuff they’ve smoked is probably low-grade. Or maybe they’re lying bastards. Time will tell.

  2. yes, the moore (i hate to call it a moore film since it is somebody else’s film about the bloated bastard) doc shows him for what he truly is a lying, uncaring, devious, controlling, obnoxious (we all knew that) fuck!
    the only good thing about him being two faced is that his skull is so broad that you can see both faces at once, if the shadows don’t fall the wrong way.

    oh, i saw stuff that was not K2 but was claimed to be the same thing and it was $30 a gram in a fancy jar with an artistic label. a funny thing i noticed is that the bag is not sealed on the brand i get, so i sometimes wonder if the clerk ‘pinches’ the bags.

    i think my first blog advised to find a brand you like at a merchant you trust and only get it there. i was not impressed the first time but i was already on something else.
    some people can’t get past the taste and never get to the crucial third hit – or fourth hit sometimes (the one that gives you the short rush)…

    i am all in favor of crooked, swindling businessmen, as long as i am not the swindelee!

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