Lunatics With Internet Access

     Kind Readers,

     Today we contemplate lunatics with internet access.  You see many examples if you look around.  Female lunatics seem to be represent a frequently-encountered variety of this particular dementia and, as a feminist, your Humble Narrator is rather disheartened by this strange behavior which usually begins with unprovoked retaliation on a neutral party, winds up in a round of zinging insults and culminates in the state police telling the lunatic to shut the hell up.  Other lunatic types are more benign – simple souls seemingly satisfied to say stupid shit.

     Others go wild, pouring heart and soul into this lifeless screen in hopes of winning some shiny trinket or an invitation to ride on back of a pig in farmville.  You have avoided their emails and hidden their profiles as they assault you with requests to help them win a new tractor or camera or trip to Vienna for Yuletide.  Some pose as imaginary entities, like rubber chickens or teddy bears, and not only avoid life but pick up an extra, ugly personality with which to do so.

     One recent example ended with a pleasant call from a nice state policeman, who has a long history of dealing with loons.  The failure by myself to vote for some email acquaintance, one Krank Kalese by name,  in some hokey, unwinnable contest provoked retaliation.  After being pestered for weeks and (surprisingly) obligingly ‘voting’ upwards of 50 times, the exclamation of “enough is enough” was raised to communicate the idea of ‘no more spam’.

     A charm school dropout, the dimwitted twit took it personally and launched an all out attack.  Raging on stolen methadone, she showed her sybaritic roots while alternately puffing on a Newport and an oxygen mask, provided by Welfare for treatment of asthma, caused by smoking.

     That is really the high point since, as you can imagine, she had no attacks or verbal assaults which were in the least bit funny or worth repeating…but what did we expect?

     We need to pity these victims of the internet age, pilled to the point that the only human interaction they are capable of is done on this screen.  Recently, Annie Leibovitz, in a documentary by Martin Scorcese, noted that when you are on a screen, the tv, the pc, the blackberry, whichever…you are noplace except on that screen. You are no longer in the world around you.  You are in the screen and that is the only place you exist. Like you, right now.  Spooky, eh?



Filed under essays, fiction

2 responses to “Lunatics With Internet Access

  1. Well, that’s one reason, even though I hadn’t done it in twenty years, I replaced the spark plugs and cable wires on my truck. I find dirt, grease, and engine blocks more interesting than this screen. I’m only hear because I’m taking a bit of a rest, sipping a substance I often abuse, peppermint tea.

    Michael, just for fun I’ll differ with you. I do believe men can be deeply sympathetic to feminism–I have a daughter and step-daughter and I want the world to treat them right and for them to have every opportunity that males have. I do not, however, believe that men can be feminists. We are masculists. We have our own cause.

    • sorry, chuck, but you can only speak for yourself, not all men. i find the ‘masculist’ term to be ‘neandrathal’. women are smarter, stronger and more intuitive than man. science proves it time and time again. aside from that, individuals can use more of the feminine side of the brain than some other individuals. sort of like an intellectual split-libido, non-sexually. i didn’t consider myself a feminist until a few year ago when i was surrounded by feminists who explained why i was, due to my belief system that men are the inferior sex of the species, which is even proven by the fact that they die younger. i saw gloria steinem speak at a college in 1973 and she made a lot of sense to me. i always take the woman’s side and always will…i am a feminist.

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