Facebook Fools ~ With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemas?

     Friends and Readers,

     You can run into some ugly things in life, like PA. Rep. Jennifer Mann’s face is certain proof of, so we posted her pic.  Another ugly thing in life is having no friends and, still worse, are those people who think they are your friends but are far from it.  That can be even worse than thinking someone is your friend and they are not…since that you have control over.

     Take the case in point, one kid from high school nick-named ‘Wankie’.  Wankie lived near me so I had to put up with him to a degree and, in so doing, got to see him put into some ugly situations, as well as some that were only heard about.  Some kids were crueler to Wankie than others.

     Ferd was only bad enough to steal Wankie’s beloved reefer, once doing that four days in a row.  It was very easy because Wankie was very gullible.  Just ask him to see his pot and when he pulled it out, Ferd grabbed it and it was gone.  Then, the next day at the bus stop, a repeat of the same action.  Then another two days until he even protested. It was amusing in a childish, mean teen sort of way.  Gullibility is always funny if it is very conspicuous.

     That is not what the blog is about, however.  A few winters ago, some old acquaintances found me on FB and ‘friended’ me.  A lot of adventures had occurred during high school so it was fun reminiscing.  Then another ‘pal’ from the same group contacted me and we went over all the old stories.  Now, these guys were never real, true friends.  They were just convenient people to smoke and drink with and sell stuff to.

     So, these two guys are laying all these old stories out there and we are all yucking it up, cyberlike.  At this point, Your Humble Narrator got curious about what happened to some other people from high school and looked in the ‘friend’s list’ of one of these guys.  Let us digress, for a moment.

     This ‘pal’, in particular, had conned Wankie into going camping with himself and two other guys, basically so they could use his car to get to the campgrounds.  While camping, they all got drunk, as could be expected with teens back then, and Wankie was the most stricken by hangover out of them all.

     Not to be deterred, this sterling example of a ‘friend’, was not happy enough to rejoice in the pasty-faced sickness and cold-sweated curses coming from Wankie.  Catching some tree-frogs and fetching the skillet and some eggs, he made a nice treefrog omelet and was so kind as to give to it to Our Wankie, to help ease his gurgly stomach.  When Wankie was about half-way done, the frogs were pointed out to him and he lapsed into a state of projectile vomiting, with half-chewed frog-legs and arms (?) falling from his wet lips.

     With Wankie incapacitated, it seemed logical to steal his car and drive it on the trail where no cars were allowed and where it became stuck on a large boulder, which stuck out of the ground just enough to catch the oil-pan of the old Dodge Dart.  Wankie was not so sick as to not notice this event and so tried to raise himself in protest, at which point, one of his fellow campers urinated on his head!

     As stated, these were mere acquaintances to me.  An act like that is just too cruel for me to endorse or take part in but not to cruel to report in print.  How can you be so heartless, as to piss on a sick kid you just poisoned?  We all laughed when we heard the story but it created a distance between myself and these people.  When we got out of high school, we drifted our different ways…more like I drifted my own way and they all still hung around together, listening to the same outdated music that they post on FB in Youtube clips to this day, boring groups like Genesis or electronic crap that is not even qualified music.

     What got to me most, upon re-engaging these acquaintances, and ending the digression you just read through, was the fact that Wankie was on all their ‘friend’s lists’.   Upon seeing his face peering out at me from the screen, hilarity took over…but when asked why they had ‘friended’ Wankie, these guys first denied it even though it could not be ignored.  He was their Facebook Friend. 

     Even more curious is how Wankie could still be gullible enough for these idiots to convince him that they were once real friends.  How can you friend somebody who has pissed on your skull while you puked?

     So, when you count your friends on here, look at who you are counting and ask yourself what kind of person is this?  With friends like these, who needs enemas?

     Please note that Your Humble Narrator has a stomach virus and cannot take the pills that usually help him write, so upset tummies were all he could think of at press-time…

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