We do not illustrate this installment of the blog because the whole thing is an illustration in and of itself…the following log illustrates how a person on Paxil and behaving like a complete asshole can act and give you clues on how to spot one. This is an actual logsheet taken from the Official Asshole Logbook from last year.
Since we are nearing March, we present this entry from the aforementioned text…
In short, if you are with someone who acts like this, they are an asshole. This will help you spot one if you are unsure…
We do not include good behavior here because it does not offset the bad.
ASSHOLE ACTIVITY LOGSHEET 3/21/13
wakes in fine mood
gets loud on phone
asks friend personal question and says we said to ask.
starts interrupting, being rude and not allowing others to complete thoughts
locks self outside house
tries kissing up by bringing us OJ…
butts in again when others speaking
interrupts conversation on medical care to shout ‘birdies! Birdies!’
speaking too loudly.
Annoying in general.
upstairs waking cats that want to sleep in daytime, as cats do. Inkie now under sofa where she cannot reach her.
talking to self loudly.
just plain fucking stupid! Wants to go out and play and it is 27 degrees outside.
still being jackass
allowing bowl of pot to burn into air while staring at pc
on phone in living room while burning light in bedroom
made us ask same question three times in a row while giving us answer to a question we never even asked.
accuses us of insulting her because we said crushed velvet.
gives stupid response.
wants to use my garden shears on plastic and ruin the blade
standing there giving me creeps.
puts cat urine-soaked carpet from porch in washing machine with her own clothes
wasting bowl again
wants a beer already…
starts to go into las vegas rant and cracks second beer
claims to be not drinking fast enough
stamps feet like child while singing ‘lalalalala’ at top of lungs to drown out other person who is wishing to communicate in an adult fashion.
Went into bathroom and continued singing obstreperously while pissing into the bowl.
won’t allow others to speak.
lost beer and blames it on others
suggests using cookware to perform injurious deeds upon small animals while drunk
thinks it is funny and has nothing to do with drinking or her kidneys and liver
gets stuck on/in toilet by big ass.
told to quit talking to herself and distracting playmates
asked for more meds – drug-seeking behaviour.
extemporaneously spouting shit about monsanto. says she will eat a boll weevil. speech meandering. going back in time and blessing dead people.
spouting off extemporaneously on subject of ‘origins of the human hand shake’
attempts to influence monitor with sexual favors, including blowjobs
wants car to go ‘get something’ but refuses to explain what.
acts like pig. argues. unreasonable. chattering. bitching. Threatening
cannot open simple bag of cheese where it says ‘pull here’
will not shut the fuck up
was acting stupid at 744pm and would not shut up so we could report her.
acting helpless to a cancer patient because too drunk to stand up straight by herself
sarcasm towards others
lurking about again – seems to lurk about too often
lost false tooth we paid for. could not find it because too vain to get eyeglasses so she can see five feet in front of her.
Also lost temper twice in last 15 minutes and suggested several stupid and inane things which make no good sense to us.
We shall conclude due to her increasing mania so we may watch to be sure she doesn’t hurt herself.
And that, Mannered Readers, is last year’s account of bad behaviour for one day for one person. e must all consider our bad behaviour footprints and keep such idiocy to a minimum for the sake of the global community.
We wish you a good day/evening and warn you to be aware of such goings-on. Protect yourself accordingly!
This is a free blog and, as such, is expected to have a certain amount of typos.