Tag Archives: humor

Allen Ginsberg, Jackson Pollock, Tupac Shakur and Big Vladdy

putinfishyginsygrantparkputin4Gentle Readers,
With one eye on the wheel and both hands on the road, we do our best to keep abreast of odd things happening around the world.
Fitting this dubious category is the statement made by Universal Bully Vlad (the impaler) Putin. News media this week carried a clip of the blue-eyed dapper dungeonkeeper saying…

“The only things that interest me in the U.S. are Tupac Shakur, Allen Ginsberg and Jackson Pollock. I don’t need a visa to access their work….”

Now isn’t that an interesting statement? It makes us look at him in a different way. Patti Smith recently described him taking the world’s biggest nastiest shit, the worst ever taken or left, in a solid gold commode. He really is not a nice man. He was head of the KGB and many people died under his hand, many literally by his hand.

At this point, Informed Intellects, we feel it necessary to note that this blog has always been a friend and has supported the LGBTQ community. The following statements are merely speculation of the purest form. We seriously wonder if Mr. Putin is gay? We look at his baby blues and they way he just loves his wardrobe, the fact that we never see Russia’s ‘first lady’ (although her meat could be hanging to dry for a future state dinner appetizer). Most world leaders do not have pics like this on their Facebook page, do they?putin3

It leads us down the path of trying to figure out what the brute thinks…we look at his choices. There is a lot to be learned from all three of these artist. Oh my, he likes the Arts…he named a poet, a painter and a poet rapper. We have to admit that we enjoy the work of all three as well.

Jeepers…as odd as it sounds, we made a mistake!

Putin didn’t say that, it was another Big Vladdy, Vladislav Surkov. On Monday, The New Republic said this of Surkov… was the chief architect of Putinism. He reduced the elimination of democracy, civil society, and a free press to a handful of cynically named “technologies.” (Given Russia’s historical and cultural uniqueness, he wrote, it needs something called “sovereign democracy.”) He invented the various ways to control, manipulate, marginalize, and co-opt Putin’s political opponents, always with the deft touch of a chess master.

Most blogs would wipe the mistakes clean, so as to look intelligent but not us…we shall take you along with us the thought process for reckoning this situation out…we think they both suck but we can understand what Putin likes about the Big Guy. Hey, everybody needs to let it loose sometime, yeah? Those big shoulders and swarthy dark looks may be what Putin goes for.putinlovey
For his side, we must admit that although Pollock was sexually ambiguous, we suspect that Vladdy really has a thing for Ed Harris, who could do a good Putin without make-up we bet. And is it Ginsberg that interests him or is it James Franco, who played him recently in a film? Tupac? Well, look at the guy…smooth skin, big beautiful eyes (like Putin!)…put the right doo rag on him and he could look downright sweet! We do not wish to insult Mr. Shakur or his estate, however, since we do respect him for his work and for not being the usual thug, as he was expected to be. He was a good man.

So what are we saying here? As usual, we don’t know…we just ramble and throw out thoughts for you to gesticulate upon. We found it to be a strange statement and it was much-overlooked so we had to tell you, Dear Readers, so you could have something to discuss after dinner…speaking of dinner, be sure to dress well!putin

As usual, this is a free bog so if you spot any typos, just put up with them!

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A Fine Example of How To Behave Badly or ‘The Best of Paxil Manners’

Modest Readers,
We do not illustrate this installment of the blog because the whole thing is an illustration in and of itself…the following log illustrates how a person on Paxil and behaving like a complete asshole can act and give you clues on how to spot one. This is an actual logsheet taken from the Official Asshole Logbook from last year.
Since we are nearing March, we present this entry from the aforementioned text…

In short, if you are with someone who acts like this, they are an asshole. This will help you spot one if you are unsure…

We do not include good behavior here because it does not offset the bad.

ASSHOLE ACTIVITY LOGSHEET 3/21/13
900am
wakes in fine mood

1000AM
takes meds

1030am
gets loud on phone
1055am
asks friend personal question and says we said to ask.
1120am
starts interrupting, being rude and not allowing others to complete thoughts
1136am
locks self outside house
1147am
tries kissing up by bringing us OJ…
1149am
butts in again when others speaking
1154am
listless
1156am
interrupts conversation on medical care to shout ‘birdies! Birdies!’
speaking too loudly.
Annoying in general.
1157am
upstairs waking cats that want to sleep in daytime, as cats do. Inkie now under sofa where she cannot reach her.
1158am
talking to self loudly.
1206pm
just plain fucking stupid! Wants to go out and play and it is 27 degrees outside.
110pm
still being jackass
130pm
allowing bowl of pot to burn into air while staring at pc
140pm
on phone in living room while burning light in bedroom
156pm
made us ask same question three times in a row while giving us answer to a question we never even asked.
219pm
accuses us of insulting her because we said crushed velvet.
229pm
gives stupid response.
232pm
wants to use my garden shears on plastic and ruin the blade
323pm
standing there giving me creeps.
340pm
puts cat urine-soaked carpet from porch in washing machine with her own clothes
348pm
wasting bowl again
402pm
wants a beer already…
446pm
starts to go into las vegas rant and cracks second beer
448pm
claims to be not drinking fast enough
459pm
stamps feet like child while singing ‘lalalalala’ at top of lungs to drown out other person who is wishing to communicate in an adult fashion.
Went into bathroom and continued singing obstreperously while pissing into the bowl.
511pm
won’t allow others to speak.
513pm
lost beer and blames it on others
555pm
suggests using cookware to perform injurious deeds upon small animals while drunk
556pm
pees pants
thinks it is funny and has nothing to do with drinking or her kidneys and liver
gets stuck on/in toilet by big ass.
608pm
told to quit talking to herself and distracting playmates
612pm
asked for more meds – drug-seeking behaviour.
627pm
extemporaneously spouting shit about monsanto. says she will eat a boll weevil. speech meandering. going back in time and blessing dead people.
646pm
spouting off extemporaneously on subject of ‘origins of the human hand shake’
649pm
attempts to influence monitor with sexual favors, including blowjobs
652pm
wants car to go ‘get something’ but refuses to explain what.
653pm
acts like pig. argues. unreasonable. chattering. bitching. Threatening
714pm
cannot open simple bag of cheese where it says ‘pull here’
743pm
blathering
745pm
will not shut the fuck up
was acting stupid at 744pm and would not shut up so we could report her.
747pm
acting helpless to a cancer patient because too drunk to stand up straight by herself
749pm
sarcasm towards others
822pm
lurking about again – seems to lurk about too often
847pm
lost false tooth we paid for. could not find it because too vain to get eyeglasses so she can see five feet in front of her.
Also lost temper twice in last 15 minutes and suggested several stupid and inane things which make no good sense to us.

We shall conclude due to her increasing mania so we may watch to be sure she doesn’t hurt herself.

And that, Mannered Readers, is last year’s account of bad behaviour for one day for one person. e must all consider our bad behaviour footprints and keep such idiocy to a minimum for the sake of the global community.

We wish you a good day/evening and warn you to be aware of such goings-on. Protect yourself accordingly!

This is a free blog and, as such, is expected to have a certain amount of typos.

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Proper Use of the Word Schlub

 

We did not write this.

 

 

schlub

 

noun \ˈshləb\

 

 

 

CloseStyle: MLA APA Chicago

 

Top of Form

 

                       

 

Bottom of Form

 

Definition of SCHLUB

 

slang

 

:  a stupid, worthless, or unattractive person

 

Variants of SCHLUB

 

schlub also shlub \ˈshləb\

 

Examples of SCHLUB

 

  1. <you’re a complete schlub—you should do great around here>

 

Origin of SCHLUB

 

Yiddish zhlob, zhlub yokel, boor

 

First Known Use: 1950

 

Related to SCHLUB

 

Synonyms

 

airhead, birdbrain, blockhead, bonehead, bubblehead, chowderhead, chucklehead, clodpoll (or clodpole), clot [British], cluck, clunk, cretin, cuddy (or cuddie) [British dialect], deadhead, dim bulb [slang], dimwit, dip, dodo, dolt, donkey, doofus [slang], dope, dork [slang], dullard, dumbbell, dumbhead, dum-dum, dummkopf, dummy, dunce, dunderhead, fathead, gander, golem, goof, goon, half-wit, hammerhead, hardhead, ignoramus, imbecile, jackass, know-nothing, knucklehead, lamebrain, loggerhead [chiefly dialect], loon, lump, lunkhead, meathead, mome [archaic], moron, mug [chiefly British], mutt, natural, nimrod [slang], nincompoop, ninny, ninnyhammer, nit [chiefly British], nitwit, noddy, noodle, numskull (or numbskull), oaf, pinhead, prat [British], ratbag [chiefly Australian], saphead, idiot (also shlub) [slang], schnook [slang], simpleton, stock, stupe, stupid, thickhead, turkey, woodenhead, yahoo, yo-yo

 

Antonyms

 

brain, genius

 

Related Words

 

booby, buffoon, fool, goose, loony, lunatic, madman, nut, zany; loser; gawk; featherbrain, scatterbrain; beast, boor, cad, churl, clown, creep, cur, heel, jerk, skunk, snake, stinker, villain; bimbette [slang], bimbo [slang], himbo

 

Near Antonyms

 

egghead, intellect, intellectual, sage, thinker, whiz, wizard; polymath, Renaissance man; sharpie (or sharpy)

 

more

 

 

 

 

 

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The Mammoth and the Monarch

Concerned Readers,

 

Today, on National Public Radio, we listened to a report about the disappearance of the Monarch Bufferfly (Danaus plexippus)monarch and that the mostly likely cause for the recent disappearance resulted from people collecting them. Human beans simply can’t leave things alone. Butterflies have borne the brunt of our ignorance for centuries…usually compromised, captured and pinned under glass. In fact, we even strip away layers of rain forest and expose even more collectible specie regularly because we love them so much!oz

So what’s the big deal? Why fret for a bug?

Aside from the ecological implications, which we generally ignore anyway, a mystery remains unsolved. Our kneejerk reaction, as usual, is to blame big business and the government. The CIA revered the Monarch so much that they made the colorful creature a mascot for demented mind control programs. We don’t know if it was them that took the butterflies but conspiracy theorists in the audience may jump on this. After all, you can watch President Clinton apologize to the country for the debacle with your own eyes, right there on Youtube.

Also on Youtube, you can find former CIA Director and Hangman-In-Chief William Colby admitting to it angrily by saying, “We stopped that between the late 1960s and the early 1970s.”

Jeepers!

If you trained a child in the 1970s it would seem that they may be a fully capable adult this year. Feasibly, they could still be ‘active’. This could solve the puzzling behavior of President Baccarat Obama. He would be just the right age. His background is sketchy, to say the least. His dazed demeanor and contrarian actions indicate some sort of cerebral wackiness going on.

Why train a patsy to be a Manchurian Candidate (see book by Richard Condon), when you could have a Manchurian President, one who takes the country down from the inside-out…as appears to be the case…and make patsies out of the entire USA?

Yesterday, he said that he never met anyone who would prefer an unemployment check to a job. He didn’t even say ‘meaningful job.’ We have shoveled pig feces, sprayed Agent Orange, carried asbestos and performed a number of other ‘jobs’ and we beg to differ. We can tell he never had a job or waited, shivering daily, for the weather to become too cold for the job and it became time to go on unemployment for the winter. Those were the days!!! Here is Mengele, the Angel of Death, called Dr. Green by the CIA when they snuck him into the USA…now he liked his work…then he came here and got a job doing it. He taught the CIA his techniques for mind control and brainwashing and practiced them with free reign here after WWII. They told the press that they found his skull in South America.mengele

A job is where we bust our asses and fritter away a lifetime to make money for a smarter person. Work, however, offers us a chance to do what we like, what we do well and allows us to express ourselves through a disciplined action which may benefit others, or not. Obama doesn’t know shit about jobs.

But we digress…back to the bugs…

Before leaving the east, we volunteered at the world-renowned raptor center, Hawk Mountain Sanctuary in Kempton, PA, for fourteen years since 1999. We counted Monarchs annually to keep track. In fact, Rachel Carson counted them on Hawk Mountain while gathering material for her groundbreaking book Silent Spring.

In 2012, we counted 2,806 of the butterflies during the migration period. That number actually climbed about a thousand butterflies from the average count of 1,804 of them per year. They were probably avoiding the dust in the west.

This year, however, the count was called off for the first time due to a lack of Monarchs.

How strange. Whatever could be the reason?

Our reckoning leads us to conclude that the poor things are being collected for the President…not Obama, the NEXT President, NJ’s Behemoth of a governor, Chris Christie. Face it, they are all the same President hired by the same people you will never see. Isn’t it funny that Bill Clinton and George W. Bush both bought their cocaine from the same dealer? Some things trump party lines. Some people know who will win sporting events ahead of time. It is all the same. Remember that state lottery back in Pennsylvania when word got out that ‘666’ would be the winning number so everybody bought it and won? It nearly broke the state, except that that did not pay out to the winners. Imagine some poor schlub playing 666 all his life, every day, and then it comes up and he is conned out of it.

That’s why we don’t gamble.

With Hawk Mountain less than fifty miles from the New Jersey border, a waft of wind could have pushed the wingie wonders across the border. To Christie, a Gargantua of Rabelaisian proportions, NJ is now the Vegetable Garden State and all produced there is for him to consume. With puffy bratwurst fingers clenching a big spoon, this guy would see a big bowl of butterflies as akin to cornflakes. What could help him more on his new diet (?…at what point does one look in the mirror and say, I am 200 pounds too fat? It makes you wonder at what point he will look at the world and see what is wrong). While we could not find nutritional information on them, we can imagine him stuffing them down his gullet with a bit of lacey orange and black flapping occurring at the corners of his mouth before he sucks them in and chews, er, consumes.

If he crushed a few thousand, they may make nice material for a colorful necktie. He will need the help when he runs against Hillary Clinton. They are both on the same team, of course, but Christie is looking strong. Obama could have helped set that up, too. When this prejudiced country elected the first black man as leader, we turned a big corner. The fact that this black man, in particular, screwed us out of house, home and even used auto parts, could make it hard for a ‘minority’ candidate to win this time. Women are still considered a minority in this country by some odd quirk of reasoning. The government calls them a minority so that would lead us to believe they are not being considered equal to men of the same race as themselves. (Actually, on checking, the 2000 and 2010 census figures show women at 50.9 and 50.8 per cent of the population, respectively.)

Who knows? It gets harder to reckon out every year.

One thing we do know, though, is that this blog made no real sense in a linear way but we did manage to bring you a little bit of new information to, hopefully, bugger your curiosity and make you go look for yourselves, as we are sure you will!!!

Now, go do like this poor CIA victim and take a rest. We all need one.kid

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2014, A Good Year To Not Be Fooled Again!

Gentle Readers, we wish you the Happiest of New Years.
The holidays are behind us now and it is time to get behind the mule again.
While we are swiping phrases here, we may as well bid 2013 to kiss it’s blistered balls goodbye. We did manage to find our way west over some rough road but landed on our feet in Washington.
Now we get to work. Do something for the community and become part of it. if that doesn’t work out there is plenty of room here to start new types of community. In fact, there is a new networking going on and it is stimulated by the recent legislation making pot legal here. This is one of the few places where you can still get in on something new. It makes the American dream possible again, really.
This is closest we managed to come to ‘the sky is the limit’ since maybe the sixties. Our younger friends show signs of optimism returning.
Forget the Phish concert in NYC last night where at least 228 people were arrested, according to the New York Times, mostly for drug possession, drugs being ‘marijuana, hash, psychedelic mushrooms, LSD, MDMA or ecstasy, amphetamine and prescription drugs like Oxycodone, OxyContin and Xanax, among other drugs.’ Funny, no beer?
Here is a NY Times photo of the event…PHISH1-articleLarge

But that was last year. Police in Virginia are quoted as ‘eagerly awaiting’ the arrival of the band’s tour.
There is money in drugs, one way or the other. About 70 people were arrested at a total of five Phish shows in NY/NJ over the past year or so. Cops at Madison Square Garden more than tripled that number last night. That is a lot of $$$ in fines and also a number of people with lost privileges, depending on severity of the charges. A felony takes away your voice at the voting booth and creates other irritating humiliations if you live in society.
We hope it’s not a trend but it IS something we should all keep our eyes on.

Also, a good thing that happened in 2013 was a concert Friday night, performed by Patti Smith, also in NY. You can find the whole show posted on http://www.expectingrain.com courtesy of a blogger there.
Patti is always a hero to us. She gave us a nice interview for Beatdom Issue Twelve and the other night she gave some sage advice on the year ahead. In light of our own past year, we found it especially pertinent and thought we should share. Patti always pegs it. Between songs the other night, she said…patti

“I think we need for 2013, god bless it, to come to a close. I found that…it was a bit of a rough year, a bit of a challenging year, but I think that 2014 is gonna be…this is what I think for 2014…first of all I think it might be an economically rough year but I think for us, the People, We, Us…we will find our own world because the world around is so fucked and it’s so corrupt and it’s so full of shit that we all have to say, is “Okay, you do your thing. I’m doing mine.”
We’re gonna get healthy.
We’re gonna get strong.
We’re gonna get aware.
We’re gonna work on our ideas.
We’re just going to do our fucking thing.
(sings), it’s your thing, do what you want to do.
That sounds really wise. I can just hear people going, ‘she said, ‘do your thing. Hahaha. How wise.” Well think about it…DO YOUR THING…”

So…like she says.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(this is a free blog so do not sweat the typos…)

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More About Heading West

Michael (6)Recently, the editorial ‘We’ left the East Coast and headed west. “The west is the best,” Jim Morrison said. It is true and it is also kind of sad. After fifty-six years in the same time zone, the Eastern Standard Zone lost the fun it used to be.
Personally, we first heard rock and roll in New York, as Roy Orbison exposed his whiney heart over radio in my parent’s old Desoto singing Born On The Wind. At five years old, we watched the Beatles arrive at Shea Stadium on the tv and the resulting new British revolution followed on the screen. In our teens we spat at the stage of CBGB, pogoed and slammed.
New York City, the City that never sleeps must have been napping when the Hip Train arrived in Colorado and Washington with legal weed. How can it
be the hippest city in the world when the most delectable commodities are easier to get here in the west? Our eyes moisten with tears of sorrow when we consider this. We think of the swinging forties and fifties when the Rat Pack ruled the dark streets and the punk rock in the seventies that restarted the heart of rock and roll in the face of the disco machine uptown at Studio 54.
Recently, the editorial ‘We’ left the East Coast and headed west. “The west is the best,” Jim Morrison said. It is true and it is also kind of sad. After fifty-six years in the same time zone, the Eastern Standard Zone lost the fun it used to be.
Personally, we first heard rock and roll in New York, as Roy Orbison exposed his whiney heart over radio in my parent’s old Desoto singing Born On The Wind. At five years old, we watched the Beatles arrive at Shea Stadium on the tv and the resulting new british revolution followed on the screen. In our teens we spat at the stage of CBGB, pogoed and slammed.
New York City, the City that never sleeps must have been napping when the Hip Train arrived in Colorado and Washington with legal weed. How can it
be the hippest city in the world when the most delectable commodities are easier to get here in the west? Our eyes moisten with tears of sorrow when we consider this anomaly. We think of the swinging forties and fifties when the Rat Pack ruled the dark streets and the punk rock in the seventies that restarted the heart of rock and roll in the face of the disco machine uptown at Studio 54.
We miss the dirty old New York City of our youth with her dirty pavements, leering pervs and beggars with outstretched hands. They brought a sense of danger that seemed vital to the city, like the visage of Moondog standing on Sixth Avenue shouting his poetry and scaring more timid foot traffic to the other side of the street with his two-horned Viking helmet. Philadelphia still sports a layer of dirt on it but Disney constipated the Big Apple by cleaning up Times Square, the once-beloved center of sleaze. The last time we walked down to Greenwich Village and got thirsty for a beer, we had to walk eight blocks…eight blocks!!! In NYC for a beer? The real indignity came with viewing the Lower East Side out the window of an Applebee’s because that was all we could find.
The Globe Marquee In Times SquareAnd what happened to the 25 Cent XXX Sex Show on Forty Second Street? As bad as it turned out to be, how could anybody resist finding out how much of a show you get for a quarter?
Well, now we reside in Washington, home state of the most prolific serial killers. The Son of Sam fell far short of some of the body counts we see here. To the south a couple of states, we have California so that gives us our minimum daily requirement of nearby whack-jobs. What is the difference between bad behavior at the Jersey Shore and bad behavior in LA? LA dresses it up better and has blondes. It all comes out the same on TMZ, though.
We arrived here at 70 miles per hour. That, in itself, tells volumes about the gap between coasts. We crossed some areas in Montana where there was no speed limit whatsoever. At 70 mph, we do not feel inclined to speed. Therefore, the police have no need to pull us over. If they did, they would find something that is legal, anyway. When they put out the DUI patrols here, they are kind enough to tell you which night of the week and during which hours on which road. That is so kind!
In fact, if we do not agree with the way things are run, they even have legally assisted suicide! How can we go wrong?
Some eastern states go to 65 mph but the norm is the old ‘stay alive at fifty-five’. Go 65mph there and they have a good reason to stop you. Take Pennsylvania (please…haha), if you are stopped and ‘suspected’ of being high on marijuana, you must consent to the urine test. The test used by the state police is so sensitive that it can spot the tiniest amount of THC metabolites in urine so that it can even turn positive if you smoked six months ago. If you prove positive you lose the license, get the fine, etc…if you refuse, you get the same thing…not nice!
No such things happen here. There also seems to be a great paranoia in the east. Before we left and as we packed, we heard numerous friends and associates warn us about the dangers on the road. “Keep your guns in the storage locker!” “Don’t keep any paraphernalia on you!” “Remember the facial recognition scanners every mile along the road!”
We left with two shotguns and a rifle lying right behind the seat under the open case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, which we drank all the way from Harrisburg to the bottom of Lake Michigan one June night and did not see a single police until we waved at one in a rest stop outside of Fargo. There is really nothing new to be scared of on the road. Take it from us, it’s the same old road. Be free.
Here, hitch-hikers still stick their thumbs out and serial killers smile at them. Beggars guard entrances to the shopping areas, mostly young methed-out tweakers with nothing to look forward to. Older ones drifted north after then-NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani solved the city’s homeless ‘problem’ by rounding up everybody in the parks and giving them a free bus ticket to LA, but only if they promised not to return. So we have all types here.
Most exciting, just to the south in Portland, the city hums with activity. We can feel the energy and a scene is taking place there…either that or the place is loaded with poseurs. From the many small music magazines we see, we know Portland has tons of small venues with live shows every night. Big acts tend to play Seattle and skip down to Cali. The scene in Portland feels organic, the visiting acts at local clubs seem to be an esoteric mix which blends with and compliments all of the fresh new faces releasing new songs on vinyl and playing crowded gigs.
Where can we get the best price for our old vinyl? Portland, of course. So many record and alternative book stores line the streets here that it reminds us of the Village in the old days, before Bleeker Bob’s and other old rare record/cd haunts vanished. If we sell an LP in Portland we get cash as opposed to the dreaded store credit, which has so often dampened our spirits. We take the cash and go to small clubs where the vibe reaches out from the city center into outlying neighborhoods.
Count up the clubs and the acts per night and we do not think NYC can keep up, not with the rock and roll end of things. We feel the loose, mellow, friendly haze of the current heroin epidemic there, as well. Funny how those things seem to keep time with each other.
Seriously, though, the scene in Portland, so robust you can taste it, may just break out and unleash a new twist, a new alternative to alternative, a fresh coat of paint to a passe’ form of music. What is happening in rock and roll right now? Who is hot? Where is the innovation? When did we last see a ‘movement?’ Was that way back when grunge hit?
The biggest sellers remain in place from the sixties, seventies and eighties. The geezers sell more ducats than youths do and that is wrong. College students listen to Pink Floyd and the Beatles. These may be old bands but soon we ought to be hearing from the young and angry again, unless rock and roll really is dead.
We’ll be sitting right here, watching from up close.
See ya!

We miss the dirty old New York City of our youth with her dirty pavements, leering pervs and beggars with outstretched hands. They brought a sense of danger that seemed vital to the city, like the visage of Moondog standing on Sixth Avenue shouting his poetry and scaring more timid foot traffic to the other side of the street with his two-horned Viking helmet. Philadelphia still sports a layer of dirt on it but Disney constipated the Big Apple by cleaning up Times Square, the once-beloved center of sleaze. The last time we walked down to Greenwich Village and got thirsty for a beer, we had to walk eight blocks…eight blocks!!! In NYC for a beer? The real indignity came with viewing the Lower East Side out the window of an Applebee’s because that was all we could find.
And what happened to the 25 Cent XXX Sex Show on Forty Second Street? As bad as it turned out to be, how could anybody resist finding out how much of a show you get for a quarter?
Well, now we reside in Washington, home state of the most prolific serial killers. The Son of Sam fell far short of some of the body counts we see here. To the south a couple of states, we have California so that gives us our minimum daily requirement of nearby whack-jobs. What is the difference between bad behavior at the Jersey Shore and bad behavior in LA? LA dresses it up better and has blondes. It all comes out the same on TMZ, though.
We arrived here at 70 miles per hour. That, in itself, tells volumes about the gap between coasts. We crossed some areas in Montana where there was no speed limit whatsoever. At 70 mph, we do not feel inclined to speed. Therefore, the police have no need to pull us over. If they did, they would find something that is legal, anyway. When they put out the DUI patrols here, they are kind enough to tell you which night of the week and during which hours on which road. That is so kind!
In fact, if we do not agree with the way things are run, they even have legally assisted suicide! How can we go wrong?
Some eastern states go to 65 mph but the norm is the old ‘stay alive at fifty-five’. Go 65mph there and they have a good reason to stop you. Take Pennsylvania (please…haha), if you are stopped and ‘suspected’ of being high on marijuana, you must consent to the urine test. The test used by the state police is so sensitive that it can spot the tiniest amount of THC metabolites in urine so that it can even turn positive if you smoked six months ago. If you prove positive you lose the license, get the fine, etc…if you refuse, you get the same thing…not nice!
No such things happen here. There also seems to be a great paranoia in the east. Before we left and as we packed, we heard numerous friends and associates warn us about the dangers on the road. “Keep your guns in the storage locker!” “Don’t keep any paraphernalia on you!” “Remember the facial recognition scanners every mile along the road!”
We left with two shotguns and a rifle lying right behind the seat under the open case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, which we drank all the way from Harrisburg to the bottom of Lake Michigan one June night and did not see a single police until we waved at one in a rest stop outside of Fargo. There is really nothing new to be scared of on the road. Take it from us, it’s the same old road. Be free.
images0O5COR7XHere, hitch-hikers still stick their thumbs out and serial killers smile at them. Beggars guard entrances to the shopping areas, mostly young methed-out tweakers with nothing to look forward to. Older ones drifted north after then-NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani solved the city’s homeless ‘problem’ by rounding up everybody in the parks and giving them a free bus ticket to LA, but only if they promised not to return. So we have all types here.
Most exciting, just to the south in Portland, the city hums with activity. We can feel the energy and a scene is taking place there…either that or the place is loaded with poseurs. From the many small music magazines we see, we know Portland has tons of small venues with live shows every night. Big acts tend to play Seattle and skip down to Cali. The scene in Portland feels organic, the visiting acts at local clubs seem to be an esoteric mix which blends with and compliments all of the fresh new faces releasing new songs on vinyl and playing crowded gigs.
Where can we get the best price for our old vinyl? Portland, of course. So many record and alternative book stores line the streets here that it reminds us of the Village in the old days, before Bleeker Bob’s and other old rare record/cd haunts vanished. If we sell an LP in Portland we get cash as opposed to the dreaded store credit, which has so often dampened our spirits. We take the cash and go to small clubs where the vibe reaches out from the city center into outlying neighborhoods.
Count up the clubs and the acts per night and we do not think NYC can keep up, not with the rock and roll end of things. We feel the loose, mellow, friendly haze of the current heroin epidemic there, as well. Funny how those things seem to keep time with each other.
Seriously, though, the scene in Portland, so robust you can taste it, may just break out and unleash a new twist, a new alternative to alternative, a fresh coat of paint to a passe’ form of music. What is happening in rock and roll right now? Who is hot? Where is the innovation? When did we last see a ‘movement?’ Was that way back when grunge hit?
The biggest sellers remain in place from the sixties, seventies and eighties. The geezers sell more ducats than youths do and that is wrong. College students listen to Pink Floyd and the Beatles. These may be old bands but soon we ought to be hearing from the young and angry again, unless rock and roll really is dead.
We’ll be sitting right here, watching from up close.
See ya!

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