Tag Archives: kittens

Some Good Reasons To Buy Beatdom Issue 9

Cats and Kittens, Cherished Readers,

Open minds that have no leaders,

We return to you today after quite a long break in the action, although we see you have been reading daily and we appreciate the patronage!

Our disappearance was caused due to the fact that Your Humble Narrator is now Co-Publisher of Beatdom Books and we published our first two exciting volumes in the month of July…Beatdom Issue Nine and Zoning by Spencer Kansa, which we shall tell you about in the next blog.

     So why buy the new Beatdom? Ten dollars…one dollar per reason…as we have changed the format to that of a more traditional literary journal and also have gone to black and white, save for the excellent cover illustration by R.H.Harper, an excellent Philadelphia artist.

     First and foremost, you will find a lot of great writing from our regular crew of writers, as well as some new faces. We have new, yes NEW, photos of Allen Ginsberg, William S. Burroughs and Norman Mailer which have never been published before and were donated to us by the remarkable Jerry Aronson, whose DVD, The Life and Times of Allen Ginsberg is reviewed at length, as well as a review of the PBS Naked Lens film by filmmaker Yony Leyser,  William S. Burroughs: A Man Within. You can find reviews of both of them on this blog space if you use the search function but the review in Beatdom, with the photos from Jerry, make an exceptionally fine piece.

     The cover is so nice that you will be sure to look hip while reading it, so that is a reason in itself and it is a real conversation starter…just look at that cover…and there are numerous other great illustrations inside…you may ascertain from the cover that this is our ‘Drugs’ issue, so we have a number of articles with a droogy theme, as well as straight essays and poetry.

     …which brings us to yet another reason, which is the excellent fiction by Katy Gurin, Chuck Taylor and Dan Leo (as well as by Your Humble Narrator) and the accompanying illustrations and art by award-winning filmmaker Waylon Bacon and Haydn Lock.

     Then, we have the scholarly studies from around the world, like the essay on Hunter S. Thompson in Kentucky, by Rory Feehan in Ireland, and a detailed look at Mr. Burroughs’ forays into the jungles of South America in search of yage by Nick Meador and Geetanjali Joshi Mishra’s insightful look at Allen Ginsberg, From Ganja To God, about the late poet’s experiences with ganja in India, and a look at Burroughs’ groundbreaking work with yage by David S, Wills, our fearless leader.

     We have poetry smuggled out of the heart of a womens’ prison, poetry about addiction and poetry about supermarkets, plus more poetry, for the verse-lovers in the crowd.

     Another fine reason to buy this treasure-trove of Beat knowledge and enjoyable fiction and poetry, as we mentioned earlier, is that we have made it available at the ridiculously low price of $9.99 a copy, plus $2 for shipping…that is two dollars in America and two euros for international customers. Our first copy was sent to a reader in Australia…if you order quickly (www.beatdom.com) you may even get your copy before the first one hits the land down under.  We have squeezed the large, airplane-browsing-sized, full colour issues into a standard format literary journal, so it is easy to keep in pocket or purse. In fact, we dare you to find something better to read at that price and if you find something even half as hip, we want to know about it.

    This is actually an old reason, but Beatdom is the world’s most popular Beat-themed literary journal. We have readers on every continent except Antartica and we may open an office there just to stimulate sales…when we have the cash, that is…which may be a while since we only hope to break even on this endeavor…as has always been the case with Beatdom, all along…we are not here to get rich on your hard-earned book money. We are here to keep the Beat spirit alive and let you know what is happening in the world of Beatdom.

     This issue was printed and bound by the prestigious Sheridan Press. We chose them so that we could offer you the best in quality, not just in the writing and art but in the reproduction of such fine work. Sheridan is a venerable force in the publishing industry, printer of the best among literary journals…and that is why we chose them to bring you the finest Beatdom possible.

     It will not be online for immediate free download, like the older, more expensive issues were. It will be in the future – but at the moment, the only way to see it is to open a copy and start enjoying yourself. To older readers, consider this a literary take on ZAP Comix…great art, good messages and hip from beginning to end.

      Also, check out the cover illustration for David Wills’ upcoming (on Beatdom Books) novel The Dog Farm. You may have heard recent news about the glow-in-the-dark dogs which were created by those krazy koreans but Mr. Wills gives you a whole new view of South Korea.

    So what are you waiting for? You can buy it with check, money order or Paypal. Orders paid with check or money order will be shipped once funds have cleared, which is overnight in the day of instant wire transfer…so take a chance…don’t be a mooncalf, don’t be a fuddy duddy…get hip and get yourself a copy of Beatdom Issue Nine…it may sell out before you get the chance…

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More Cute Than You Can Shake A Stick At

     Feline Fanatics,

     We remind you that no kitties were harmed in the making of this blog.  The kit on the left is just being adventurous.  The photo session started because he kept trying to nose his way into the frig everytime the door opened because he knew the milk was in there.  We scooped him up and got a few shots of him standing on the top shelf in the fridge, smaller than a pint of milk, sniffing the goods.

     The microwave was simply a photo opp which presented itself at the time.  We would never do, nor encourage, such a thing.  Cats have now outnumbered dogs in America by about a million.  More households have dogs but the data indicates that cat owners often own multiples, as we do with Inkie and Budderz, and that dog owners are also prone to have a kittie or kitty or two around, as well.  The cats usually dominate the dogs in any of these situations.  Many are horrified at the thought of introducing a cat into a house with dogs but the cats are crafty and take great advantage of canine idiocy, often doing bad things that get blamed on Fido.

     The folks at Animal Planet have siezed upon these facts and have, in the past few months, released a number of new cat-related shows which cater to pampering owners.  Last season, they produced Cats 101, which was an excellent rundown of breeds, studying the quirks, cuteness, foibles and follies each breed gets into most frequently.  It was a good show but, in our humble opinion, it does not hold a candle to the merriment involved in the new program Must Love Cats, which we wrote about in a previous blog and which you can search for and read on this very page. 

     One night last week, they introduced Too Cute, a documentary on three litters of kittens growing from birth to the tender age of eight weeks.  There are laughs, drama, bits of related information but it was mostly about kittens being cutesy…and it works.

     Tonight, they unleash MY CAT FROM HELL (sorry for the caps…that is how Animal Planet lists it).  Jackson Galaxy, the host, plays guitar – as does the host of Must Love Cats.  Why a human singing to cats about mice and birds and whatever else a cat thinks about is a standard for these type of shows, we will never know. Maybe it is the cute factor but it would be more cute to me if a woman sang.  You have to give Galaxy credit, though, for his creative use of barber tools, as he has no hair above the ears and is very creative with all the follicles which sprout from the temples down…we would post a pic but we expect if you read this far you will see for yourself.  We do not mention his tattoos, as they are pretty normal in that they seem to cover most of his body, the norm for the 21st century expression of individuality – cover yourself with tatoos like everybody else.  We do not know how that many tatts make you that individual since, viewed from a half a block away, they look the same as anybody else who is covered in ink. 

     Cats do not get tattoos but they appear in quite a few of them, most notably those cool ones that the punk/rockabilly band The Stray Cats had on their arms.  Those are the most notable ones we recall.  Some where out there is a woman with a tattoo of a cat on one asscheek.  It is in the hunting position and is reaching to catch the tail of the tattooed ‘half a mouse’ which is drawn so it looks like it is crawling into her butt to escape.  Trust us.  It is a big world.  This is out there somewhere and, if not, we suppose we are sick for thinking of such things.

     So do tune in at 9pm EST in the United States.  We are not sure how these things get broadcast worldwide.  One would imagine that tv programs would start to ‘synch up’ worldwide, rather than go from one country to another as they get older.  That should happen about the time some woman gets that tattoo. So watch! Enjoy! It is Kitties!!!

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Gas Shock Clocked, Writer’s Block Stopped

     Understanding Readers,

     We have not posted for a week or so. One of our last posts detailed problems with the pc and an outage at Verizon’s internet banks.  Yesterday, a Verizon worker came to my house after three days of me switching out old wires, phones, jacks, you-name-it, only to tell me that my phone line had been disconnected at the main office, for no reason.

     Falling off the face of the earth, with no phone or internet, was a very strange, lost feeling.  I felt disconnected and could not communicate with friends or go on the stock market or watch videos of fuzzy kittens.  Once used to it, the amount of work that had been put off for no particular reason became easy to tackle without the interference of the web.  I got a lot of interference from my cat, Inkie, but she is just a bug no matter what.

     Nonetheless, my trusty auto, which has been taking me from here to there since 2004, sucked up over $50 worth of gas the other day.  In seven years, it never took $50 worth.  This does not bode well for my idea of the crosscountry kittie caravan in the 30foot RV.  It makes me wonder how much more people will take. 

     Of course, as usual, there is always somebody to blame…now who would we blame if America was rich in oil and natural gas, yet the people living here are not able to afford to fill their cars, trucks and oil tanks at home?  Who would we blame if all the gas and oil we are allowed to consume has to be shipped from halfway across the world, while people who produce gas here could do it cheaper but are not allowed to because of hidden political agendas?  Who would we point to as the Anti-Christ?  If you said ‘Obama’ you could be right on all counts.

     My next door neighbor does not like Obama.  She is 82 years old and was a nurse for many years of her life, in facilities around Long Island, NY, where she is from.  She says she learned to read people’s faces and can tell when people lie about being in pain or caring about others or other facial ‘giveaways’.  She does not like the look on Obama’s puss and you have to admit, he is one of the MEANEST-looking presidents we ever had.  I can only remember back to Kennedy but nobody in that office ever gave the dirty looks that Obama can deal out to those who disagree with him. Sorta like this…

     So, it can be pretty obvious that he does not like people.  That would explain why he wants to screw his own country in a way that will take the rest of history to undo.  Five states now have gas above the $4 line and he can ride around on Air Force One and look down on us.  He could tell SecRATary of the Interior Salazar to stop the moritorium on american oil companies.  BP is drilling in Alaska, where a lot of people think our reserves are…guess what? They are BP’s reserves now…we are not allowed to drill but BP can because they are not American, yet they drill on our soil.  We are giving our resources to BP so they can resell them back to us at an elevated price.

     Why?

     Because we let him; because we elected him (not me), and because we do nothing about his actions now but to watch in awestruck horror as he dismantles the economy and ruins the lives of countless millions in the Gulf.

     Soon it will be April 20.  420.  We suggest that on that day, nobody take any substances which will muddle their thoughts.  We suggest that you get together, as planned…but instead of getting high, figure out how to use your votes to get this disaster off our backs and out of office.  Once that is done, you can get high…if you are lucky.

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Things I Do For Kitties

     Browsers and Meowsers,

     It may sound ridiculous but currently, we live in a house we bought for a cat.  Having bounced around, living in doorways, cars, sofas, spare rooms and all the other dubious choices of habitat…that was alright for me but it is not something a cat should be subjected to.  Cats need windows and birdies to look at through those windows.  They need a regular place to find their bowl.  Were it not for my first kittie, a beautiful Maine Coon named Copernicus (Purrnie),  Your Humble Narrator could still be dwelling who-knows-where.

     The responsibility of the cat settled me down, ending a wild streak of moving from place to place, city to city, over a number of years.  Purrnie outlasted my ex-wife, my parents, several jobs and half a dozen cars.  The only stable force in my life for quite sometime was the cat that met me at the door everytime I arrived home.  Cats can hear your car miles away.  An amazing fact, picked up from Animal Planet, is that your cats cannot only hear your car at least a mile away, it can tell the difference between your car and the exact same model that came off the assembly line immediately before or after your vehicle.  They can tell the difference.

     We fielded some questions from a fervent kittie fanatic recently.  This Beloved Reader reported that “I HAVE A CAT THAT IS NAMED SHADOW IT IS FAT AND LOVEY.”…Now, isn’t that a pleasant thought?  A nice fat kittie!  The reader was also interested in my status and asked these thought-provoking questions, as well, “DO YOU HAVE A CAT YAS OR NO” and “DO YOU LICK CATS YES OR NO”????

     While we do not feel the sense of urgency indicative of a phrase like “YAS OR NO”, we do find the quries to be valid and, in so doing, we address them directly.  Yas, is the first answer, there are two cats living in my house.  One of them, you may have seen part of, as his white, rear tootsies decorate the wallpaper behind this post. 

     Do I LICK MY CATS, yes or no?  While not directly licking them with my tongue,  sometimes I do wet my fingers and pet them in a way that affects them in the way of a washing.  The moisture leads the cat to think it was licked and they usually respond by licking my hand in return.

     Licking cats is one thing but I think more devotion is shown in the care and grooming of Inkie’s butthole.  This is Inkie.  In the seven years Inkie has been here, not once would she keep her eyes open when her picture is snapped.                                                                        

     She is a very pretty girlie-girl of a kittie and, from looking at a ‘breed chart’ at the vet, she has been determined to be mostly Angora.  She has the soft, silky Angora fluff that gets stuck in my eyelashes and the corners of my mouth when I sleep and Inkie gets in my face in her attempts to wake me.  This gorgeous, sleek fur, while making her a little diva, can also cause her a bit of annoyance at this time of year, just before the winter coat of fur gives way to the summer coat.  The winter coat gets so thick before the change that it actually forms a layer over her anus and the ‘poopie’ gets stuck halfway out, held into her by fur.
     To remedy this, Gentle Readers, we must take a small scissors and cut a little ‘tunnel’ through the fur so that Inkie may relieve herself.  One must be ever-so-careful when nearing a cat’s anus with a pointy pair of sharp scissors; one little slip could hurt the fuzzy girl.
     There were times in my life when, if you told me I would be cutting tunnels to cats bums,  it would seem like an absurd statement.  This is what cats have done to me.
     Along the more normal lines, providing food, water and toys are also daily duties but how many times have I gotten stuck in my seat because one of my cats got onto my lap and looks way too cute and comfortable to move.  Try typing with a laptop on your thighs and a curled up kittie on your belly.  It takes practice to not wake the sleepy little git and still hit all the right keys.
     Some people do much more for kitties, as evidenced on the Animal Planet Network’s Must Love Cats show.  The cat-owners on Must Love Cats are much more fanatical than myself.  It is amazing what lengths people go to to keep the little ones happy.  Saturday past, Animal Planet ran a marathon of the show again and, in watching and dozing off and watching and dozing off,  the day turned into a surreal dream, punctuated every couple hours by the yodeling kitties.
     So, the purpose for this blog?  Aside from taking the time to reply to a Most Esteemed Reader,  it was just an excuse to ramble on a favorite subject…felines!

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A Little Slice Of Real Life Featuring Alpha Male

      Loyal Readers,

      As yesterday was National Womans Day,  we present this little slice of life which unfolded one day back around 1980.  It goes to show that, when there is a writer around, even the most insignificant of conversations can be kicked around for years or dug out of the cold grave of memory (or in this case, the notebooks of Your Humble Narrator).

     This involved roommates that once shared domicile with us, back when we could still stand the thought of sharing space with virtual strangers in order to save a buck.  All of us knew each other but not too well.  Becky had the lease, so it was her apartment technically.  Steve was mainly on the mooch and was always trying to convert Becky into a Rainbow Vacuum Cleaner Salesperson – the end of the food chain for jobseekers.

     Let’s look…

     Becky sat on the lumpy sofa with three cats, Steve and his wife.

     “How was your day,” asked Steve?

     “It sucked like Hell,” replied Becky.

     “Why is that,” quizzled Steve?  He liked to ask questions because he always had the answer before he even asked.

     Becky recounted the events of her long, fruitless day.  She related how she was victimized at her job and how she was constantly the victim of the inconsiderations of others.  Becky was a loser, more or less, but had a big heart.  People did take advantage of her, especially at work.

     “Complain to your supervisor,” Steve counseled, as he was his wont to do.

     “If that doesn’t work,” the advisor continued, “Go higher!  Keep going higher and higher!  Go as high as you have to go to get results!  Thats is how to do it!”

     Becky knotted her eyebrows together and scratched the back of her head with a pencil.  “Do you mean, ” she countered, “That I should go to the President of the United States about my job as an assistant cook at a fast food chain?”

     “Of course!  Think positive!,” advised the Knowing One.  “In fact, once I didn’t get my paycheck and I kept complaining.  Finally, the damn thing was three weeks late so I called the White House and left a message for the President…a couple days later – I had my check! How about that?”

     He turned to Carol, his long-suffering wife. “Didn’t I call the White House,” he asked her?  “Yes,” she replied softly in a voice that sounded beaten down from too much agreeing.

     “Wow,” thought Becky, in her open-minded way,  “This guy is intense!”

                                                                ~                        ~                          ~

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Sunday Funnies. Best New TV Show ~ “Must Love Cats” on Animal Planet

     Kind Souls Everywhere, who doesn’t like to watch the antics of kitties at play? Who can resist the fuzzywuzzy rascal wrapped around your ankle, purring while you open the can of tuna (which is bad for them so don’t do it too often)? Who has not admired the sleek grace and comic play of our feline friends?

     Well, if you cannot get enough of it, there is the new show Must Love Cats, which premiered on the AnimalPlanet station on February 18.  Considering the state of commercial broadcasting, this has to be the absolute best show on the tube these days. 

     (from the website)Must Love Cats is a celebration of fascinating felines and the fascinating people who love them.

     From cats that saved their owners’ lives to swanky cat-only hotels, the series spans the realm of all things “cat.” It offers a potpourri of amazing feline stories, jam-packed with interesting factoids and trivia bits.

     The show is hosted by musician John Fulton, who combines his love for ditties with kitties. He is on a mission to prove to himself and the world that America is filled — north to south, east to west — with cat lovers, and is in fact a Cat-nation.

     Where else can you see ‘Klepto Kittie,’ the adorable furball who goes out in the night when humans are sleeping and steals items from all over the neighborhood, bringing them home as gifts.  We are not talking a mousey here or a squeeze toy there, we are looking at a thief that has taken over 600 items so far.

     “He’s not choosy,” said owner Jean Chu. “Stolen goods include towels, stuffed animals, gloves, socks, shoes, spongy footballs. He stole a Converse sneaker and returned later for the other one,” reports SeattlePi. ” He even swiped a neighbor’s bikini bottom that was drying outside, and came back minutes later for the top. He has also pilfered someone’s underwear.”

     That is Dusty stealing a glove, in the photo above.  The numbers are amazing…something like 208 towels, 69 gloves, 68 sponges, 30-odd shoes…you have to see it to believe it!!!
     Aside from deviant criminal behavior, cats can also be seen vacationing in the Rockies, being trained to use a flush toilet, there are dozens of performing cats, including ‘Rock Cats’.  Rock Cats are an actual group of kitties that play instruments…drums, bass, lead guitar, in time with each other but not necessarily the rest of the music-loving world.  The ‘Acro-cats’ are a group which is trained to perform tricks to defy gravity and lift the soul of the watcher.
     This is only one episode!  They had a whole marathon of these shows and they were all great!
How about this 34-pound kit, who has the same body mass idex as a 500-pound man? It sort of looks like a cat belonging to a friend of mine, who also tends to the fatso realm (the cat not the friend).  Readers of Beatdom may think this cat looks a little familiar but, no, this is not the publisher’s cat…which reminds us that William S. Burroughs had six cats that he loved and doted on.
Otto-cat-325x205
     So if you want to find out about cat poo coffee, the yodeling cats or even the first same-sex, cat-couple to be ‘married’  in a the New York City shelter.  In this age of internet-dating, the show’s homepage even features a link to a site called cuteboyswithcats.com, where those who like to ogle male flesh along with their pussy can find a cat-loving man.  It is not a dating site, per se, but one can see the potential.  More cats reside in this country than dogs.  More houses have dogs but, per capita, the kitties have them outnumbered.  Speaking of men and cats, odd factoids aplenty pop up throughout the shows, such as the fact that the majority of abused cats are afraid of men but not women….a damning fact.  Why does anybody have to abuse any animal?  It is sick.
     So, we do not know when this show is slotted for regular rotation or what channel number the AnimalPlanet is on your cable system but if you like cats and kittens, you have to watch this.  If you are a new cat owner, the website has plenty of information on raising and training them.  If you have loved cats for a long time, this is the best show you have seen yet. It even tops Cats 101, which also aired on AnimalPlanet.
     We leave you with Henry, who is an artist.  If you want to know what kind, tune in…
                                                                              Henry_in_Art_Room
     Ciao, ciao, ciao.

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Raising Questions…Pirates Steal $200,000,000.00 Worth Of Fuel Oil

     Gentle Readers, even a kittie like ‘Sissy’ here has to wonder about the pirates who just stole over two hundred million dollars worth of oil, when they hi-jacked a tanker bound for North America.

     Kitties like this are not notoriously smart, yet, even Sissy is smart enough to wonder where the pirates are going to bury the booty, er, hide the stolen goods.  What do you do with a tanker that big?  If somebody buys it from you, they can’t hide the empty oil tanker, even parked behind the house.

     If the oil had been produced in America, which is rich in resources but is more interested in making profits for mideastern oil-producers, it could not have happened.  Will this drive prices even higher?  Is this the first time or is it the first of a long line of stolen oil tankers?

     We have plenty of oil in the gulf, where we were producing it at high steam until a British oil company blew a hole in the ocean floor.  Naturally, the response of the President-elected was to stop all production of American oil.  When one thinks about it logically, even Sissy can tell you that when you have a leaky faucet (like the one she likes to drink from) and turn it off, the pressure will build.  It works the same with oil…if you have a big, uncontrolled gusher on the ocean floor, what is going to happen when you shut down all the surrounding oil rigs and wells?  The pressure builds and more oil spews into the ocean.  If the surrounding oil wells had been permitted to keep producing, a large amount of what hit the coast and fish and birds and economy there, may still be intact.  The oil could have been expertly put into barrels and sold, or even stored.

     Allowing the pressure to build and destroy the environment surrounding the break and ecosysytems worldwide, peripherally, was a very bad way to handle it.  The break has been fixed and the oil wells owned by Americans are still shut down, so we buy boatloads of millions of dollars in petroleum from countries who do not even like us.

     Why are the American oil companies still under a White House-imposed moratorium?

     Why do we have pirates who can steal such a large item and get away without a hitch (so far)?

     Where do those pirates plan to sell that oil?

     Does the country or company or entity that buys the oil share in the crime?

     Will anybody ever do anything about it?

     Can I have some more tuna juice in my bowl?

     The answers to these and many other questions remain unsolved and we wonder why…

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Another Janu-scary Smashup!!!

     Frozen Followers, last evening we on the East Coast of the US were treated with yet another storm.  This is not so unusual in and of itself, aside from the fact that our car lost control on the ice and while making a right turn, slid sideways to the left, introducing itself to the sign at the entrance of the shopping center where an emergency supply of Temptations brand cat treats were waiting.

     Luckily, the car has a good insurance policy, since the sign not only showed us where the market was, but also busted my windshield and sent a glorious shower of broken glass spraying from the hole where the drivers’ side window used to be. Nobody was injured and the car was able to be driven home, at which time we passed a few other vehicles resting inappropriately (creative way to say ‘smashed into’) lamposts and gaurdrails.

     This is our third Saturn, a deep sea blue, L300 Sedan. It is a nice car and got us back home. It is seven years old, almost to the day, from date of purchase and has only about 65,000 miles on it. In 2004, on Janu-scary (a bizarro word, lifted from Superman comics) the 24th, our second Saturn got, in the venacular, totalled. That was a smaller, red, sporty model with a cool decal of the planet Saturn on each side. We had traded in the previous model, which was exactly the same, minus the decal, just to get the planet on the side.

     Calculating in Leap Years, it would seem that this collision happened exactly seven years after the last one. This time the car survived, instead of ending up in a twisted mess of broken plastic connected to an engine. This time we did not break the windshield with forehead, like last time.

     Seven years ago, the accident occurred after nine hours of drinking Irish cidre at a traditional celtic bar, where the music started at 11am on Saturdays. Seven years ago, freezing rain was also the culprit since it was not discernable when walking across the graveled parkinglot. The streets were not slippery but the on-ramp to the highway was frozen and a car with four youths (yutes) lost control about ten yards ahead.

     We hit the brakes (the editorial we, as noted in The Big Lebowski) and watched as the shiny, red Saturn slowly and deliberately plowed into the haplessly spinning, white Toyota. The police came and were quite nice to us, giving us a ride to the police station to call a cab. The car had minimal insurance, even though it was only a year old, so your Humble Narrator had to make car payments on two vehicles for four years, a situation which sucked, to put it bluntly. This time we were armed with the ‘full tort’ premium insurance and everything is covered.

     Much medication was used in the process of calming down after the show last night but after awhile, everything melted together like morphine in a glass of Guinness.

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What Have I Done?

     Cherished Readers,

      Often, when I am running off at the mouth, people look at me and I can see the question in their minds, “What in Christ is this nutter talking about?”

      Well, Friends and Foes, I say a lot of things that people do not understand. I mean well but just speak from experience.

     What experience? is, of course, the logical answer and so today, I recount all the things I had to do in this life to make money. I stick mostly to the legal methods and those which are most socially accepted. I did not spend my whole life sprawled on this sofa, like Budderz up there, tapping at the laptop. I really had to work sometimes. So what have I wrought?

fur trapper

caddy

pig shit shoveler

dish washer

shoplifter

stockboy

copyboy

newspaper reporter/features articles writer

magazine editor

temp

lawn mower

landscaper

forestry worker

hotel maintenance person

women’s shoes salesman

cook at Chi-Chi’s

landscaper

tree climber

theatre box office intern

theatre fundraising telemarketing manager

ballet company fundraising telemarketing manager

book store clerk

market research phone room manager

book store clerk

newspaper features article writer

handyman’s assistant

bricklayer

lightbulb telemarketer

taxi driver

landscaper

newspaper deliverer

forestry worker

bank teller

insurance company customer service agent

bookstore clerk

long distance phone service customer service agent

national e911 database manager

hawk sanctuary bookstore clerk

arts center receptionist

medical marijuana taxation systems sales agent

     And there you have it, Curious Ones. Some positions were done more than once in different places, most specifically book store clerk. I have worked as a clerk in five bookstores as well as having been a library volunteer for fourteen months.

     This also does not include and volunteer work or illegal activities, except for the reported shoplifting, which took place in high school. I have also held fifteen volunteer positions, one of which I still perform after thirteen years on the job. With that many jobs, you meet many different people and learn a lot of esoteric facts.

     Like Budderz, I now prefer the sofa and the company of my readers.

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Substance Abuse, Addiction and Cruelty to Animals

     Greetings Animal Lovers and Lowlife Highballs Everywhere!

     On this shiny, sunny Saturday, let us discuss our closest friends, those who we see the most on weekends like this – our pets.

     In the pictured microwave is Copernicus, or Pernie, the first cat I ever owned. My ex-wife brought him home on our ‘honeymoon’ and he and my love of cats are the only lasting gift she gave me of any type. Pernie wanted to see the inside of the fridge so I put him in and snapped a shot of him sniffing at a pint of milk that was as tall as he was. The next photo-op was right there, the microwave.

     CFYSA, nor the author of this blog, do not suggest or abide by putting any living thing in a microwave, unless it is a microbe living on some week old food and you want to kill it before taking further chances with your life. We despise cruelty to any animal.

     First, a question that has plagued me. If you get your dog high on pot, is that cruelty to animals? If they change the law and make it legal for humans will it still be illegal for pets and regarded as a form of cruelty? We have witnessed numerous friends blow smoke into canine faces, waiting for a humorous reaction to brighten the day.

     One cat I know of begs for pot. Her owner has three cats, all black/grey striped tabbies. They all look like the same cat, except for varying weights. One cats distinguished itself from the others everytime her owner lit a bowl of marijuana. The cat would smell it, climb up onto her lap and stick its feline face out with lips pursed (I swear). This was the signal beg. At this point, the owner blew a stream of smoke into the cats mouth and the cat inhaled. I saw this less than three months ago and I do not embellish. Was it abuse? Did it hurt the kittie? The kittie begged for it and animals know what is good for them, right?

     Look at Youtube, we all like to have a laugh on our pets. My fav is to get the tuna that comes packed in oil, instead of water. To a kittie, it smells like the same old tuna juice but once they taste it, the tongue is coated with an oil. A cat will stick it’s tongue out of it’s mouth to an extraordinary length, trying to ‘lick off’ the oil. It is harmless but they catch on too quick.

     Now let’s talk about some real abuse, the kind that your pet does not deserve.

     As a substance abuse expert, I am constantly consulted for opinion and drawn into arguments. One, perhaps the most common, argument is the cigarette vs pot debate. First, I do not tell friends what or what not to do with their bodies, unless maybe they have birdshit on their back and don’t know it. Being a cancer survivor, I need to avoid second hand smoke at all costs, plus it stinks and make me sick to my stomach.

     At any rate, the cigarette argument always turns to the 599 different chemicals which are added to cigarettes by the big tobacco companies. These chemicals are to make the ciggy burn correctly also and more importly, these chemical enhance the ‘nicotine delivery’ system. We will talk brain science in a future post and address the ‘delivery system’. (If this sounds like a lot of chemicals, look it up on Google, you can see for yourself.)

     Here at CFYSA, we do not give two hoots about whether you smoke a cigarette ot not. We do care when it gets in our faces or when the neighbor’s smoke drifts through my open windows on warm weekend days like this. Do what you want. Or, as Crowley put it, ‘Do as thy will shall be the whole of the law’. That applies to our own bodies, not the bodies of our pets.

     Thre is a reason I put Pernie’s pic at the top of this blog. He died from lung cancer. When he was given to me, I smoked two and a half packs of Salem 100s a day. I think my wife smoked the same brand and about the same amount.

     What pet owners do not consider when they light up the death stick, is that smoke settles. It falls. Unless your pets sleep on a ceiling, the smoke will fall on them, covering their furry, or in some cases fuzzy, coats. Along with the smoke, comes the 599 chemicals. Cats, especially, are fastidiously clean animals. They lick every last inch of themselves and if they have siblings, they take care of getting the hard to reach places for each other. Animals are so much nicer to each other than humans!

     So, if you like to watch your cat clean itself while you sit there and have a cigarette, take the ciggy and stick in in your eye, just once. You deserve it, since you have just coated your pet with chemicals, not to mention the stench of tobacco. The additives, including benzene, chlorine, alcohol, acid, ether, oil and 593 others, most of which I can’t pronounce, now coat your pet like oil on a cats tongue, only worse.

     Your pet will lick itself clean and all of these dangerous, insidious and unknown substances, will go from tongue to throat to bloodstream to organs to the vet’s office to the grave. Is that the kind of pet owner you want to be?

   (I need to thrown in an aside – in looking at the list of additives. I saw a number of herbs which are not officially FDA recommended for use by humans. Some of these very same herbs are used in the making of jwh018 preparations like Spice and K2. It is legal for the tobacco companies to feed the public a hidden dose of the same thing they are outlawing nationally, something even worse really, since tests prove that ciggys kill but no legislator ever took time to do research or to commission research on jwh products. It has to do with those checks from the tobacco lobby. If you doubt that, just look for tobacco lobby checks to congress on youtube and you can watch one of our elected, paid-by our taxes senators hand them out to his fellow porkbarrel buddies. Sen. Boehner, I believe.)

     To be honest, that is the biggest abuse issue I can see with animals. The same chemicals do the same things to children in harms way of the smoke, but as this is an adult forum. We worry for cats and dogs, not your kids. That is your job. It is bad enough that I have to pay school taxes every year and never even had a kid.

     If anybody has an animal that enjoys substance abuse, we at CFYSA would love to hear about it. Maybe you have one of those frisbees with the pot pipe built into it and you light it before throwing it for fido to fetch. My youngest cat, Budderz, loves the k2. I never let him have any or blow it on him but he always wants to have the bag when I open it. If I put some in a pipe, he stares at the bowl until the leaves are burnt and no fragrance remains. He is more attracted to the smell of K2 than he is to catnip, which I grow fresh for him out back.

     So, have a nice weekend. Be good to yourself and your pets, and abuse some substances, too. Remember how much you love your pets and keep them away from smoke and other harm.

     See you Monday! Enjoy!!!

    

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