Tag Archives: outsider

Who Sent the Private Investigator To Check Us Out??? Where Is Old Snarly?

Gentle Readers,

This message is not really for you.

We are dropping the editorial ‘us’ in parts to make it less confusing. We think Cynthia Oldsnarly may have sent them.

On Friday, a private investigator named Kellie showed up at our Motel. She checked in with no luggage or purse, wearing a short-ish white dress and stylish hair and nails.
She came out of the front desk office and wandered the parkinglot aimlessly for an hour and then went to her room, near mine, when I came out on the balcony to see which room the possible hooker was going to visit.
As it turns she kept obviously spying on me, looking through the open spaces of a luggage rack on a car parked between us.
So, I decided to STARE at her to let her know she was not un-noticed. This prompted her to come over and up the steps to the balcony, where we sat drinking and chatting…about me…all about me…she said she would be gone in the morning and i watched her leave on foot, no luggage or purse, just a copy of Beatdom we gave her to read…

She kept me up talking about myself until 3am. We did not talk adult topics or any such shit…so why do people spy? why do they lie? why do they not be real in 2014????

funny thing is…we hide nothing, as all you kind readers know…and any import given to us is undeserved, since we are morons.

best from the staff!

*tis is a free blog…if you see typos, live with it or contact us about our exclusive paid blog!!!!!

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One From The Poetry Corner

bullwinkleEsteemed Readers, Bottom Feeders and Counters of Meters, today we bring you an installment of the Poetry Corner. We promised to keep this blog going, so we are happy to be in your face.
The following poem is the first in what will be known as the ‘Yakima Cycle’ by Michael Hendrick, a drunken friend of ours who can’t be trusted with your daughter…a sad one, boys and girls, sniff, sniff. He redeems himself with his poems…maybe not this one but he seemed quite insistent that we publish it for him and it is a ‘limerick’ really. As per our buddies at the Encyclopedia Brittanica a limerick is a popular form of short, humorous verse that is often nonsensical and frequently ribald. It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant metre is anapestic, with two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others.
These short rhymes often involve a city name. We chose Yakima as our city and Mr. Hendrick, in his infinite kindness, offered to share poems written just for this blog…a saint of a man, is he.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A certain young woman from Yakima
got randy but had quite a hacking cough.
Though she sounded a fright,
she loved a new man each night.
Her ten kids proved that she did not whack’em off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, Kids…it is nothing against women, nothing against Yakima and most certainly not against masturbation…if anything, is insulted here, it is the Rhyme itself, but it endures, year after year.

Oddly, though…the most popular blogs here are the ones having to do with insults and words and we find that to be very interesting and think we will do our best to include more such material in days and weeks to come.

Welcome to the Working Week!

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Whatever Happened To This Blog?

Michael (6)Gentle Readers, for months, perhaps a year, we have been putting you off and have let this once-heralded blog slip into near obscurity. Today, we return and not only that – we return with our original name.
We remain uncertain as to whether we were trying to protect ourselves or trying to get laid when we changed the words ‘substance abuse’ to ‘substantial abuse’.
Too much information on one’s pattern of substance abuse can put low on the list for certain social invites. The fact remains that, as a result of being fed beer regularly as a baby (imagine yourself sucking from a beer bottle as tall as yourself…but just on weekends…), the editorial we naturally became alcoholic. We missed out on all the fun of gateway drugs – ha, ha, as if such a thing exists. We are not Hippies because we were born too late but we did manage to ingest LSD in every decade since the seventies, inclusive, and still keep the old neuro-plasticity working well enough to keep your attention!

We thank all the people who kept reading old entries of the blog while we were out of action.

We also thank Paul Krassner – for inspiration. We contacted him regarding some Beatdom business. Although he influenced us greatly over the years, from MAD to High Times magazines, we felt a pang of guilt when viewing his bibliography. He never shies away from a topic. He is fearless. He wrote a lot about drugs and put them in the titles of his books. He has integrity. We were afraid we would never be able to get laid if we had to explain our substance abuse issues…a pretty lame excuse, looking back.
Mr. Krassner helped change the course of American history to a degree. His activities during the sixties – his outspokenness, sense of humor and respect for Truth – allowed many others to open up with their personal views. Somebody always has to break the ice in a repressive situation and he melted minds. Conversely, The Realist allowed so-called ‘broken minds’ to melt the ice of the oppression of the time through humor. We remember how you Dear Readers love illustrations, so here is the book to look for…confessions…if you do not buy it and read it, you will not know what we are writing about when we refer to it in future important dispatches.
Anyway, there is a lot to learn about him and we encourage you all to pick up copies of his books. The best place to find them is on his website, http://www.paulkrassner.com

So, with all that being said, we shall now resume the blog as it ran a few years ago, three to four times a week. We will try to be more politically-minded and will try to be less silly. Things have gotten a lot more serious since we reported Governor Christie getting stuck in his gubernatorial bathtub and being pried out with two boat oars and a handy few pounds of butter from the larder….ah…”larder”… We thank the Gov for allowing us to resurrect an old word! May we gain from his girth.
Another reason for our return lies in the excitement we feel as we explore new lands. Native to New York, we left the east coast and drove west this past summer. After a lifetime in the Eastern Standard Zone except for vacations and other excursions, we find great novelty here in the State of Washington. We knew the diversity of topography to be extreme but the last thing we expected was to wind up stuck in a desert, much less the scablands. Everybody said it rains all the time here.
Not so.
We never experienced such pesky sunshine in all our days. Sun, sun, sun…nothing but sun, all summer. Like Bob Dylan asks a recent LP, “Don’t you know the sun can burn your brains right out?” Speaking of Dylan, we can’t help but compare the area to the locale depicted in the film Masked and Anonymous. With all the Native Americans, Mexicans, sand and abandoned junk cars, the resemblance strikes us as uncanny. In fact some areas here are so bleak as to resemble Afghan mountain ranges; so much so that troops bound for that bloodbath got used to the elements by training near here.
Fall arrived and clouds followed and as the sky got darker, things got brighter. We love rain! The first good rain to come in brought our first dust storm along with it. A fantastic sight! A cool thing to view from the safe confines of a car with rolled-up windows.
There is so much here to discover in Washington, we didn’t know where to start so food is never a bad idea. Crossing the US, we noticed portions of food increasing in size as we pushed westward. True, we settled for road food but it actually tasted good and we had to start comparing fast foods, just to see the cultural anomoly we are faced with.
It started at the ‘Steak’N’Shake’ somewhere in Michigan. Years passed since the last fast food burger touched my lips. It came down to ‘eat or starve’ so we went with Steak’N’Shake. It was amazing! The first thing that freaked us out was the whipped cream and cherry on the milkshake…we remembered that from soda fountains in the distant past. When we opened up the burgers, a cornucopia of veggies stuck out from the bun. While we chose our move to a liberal land where pot is legal, as is same-sex marriage and assisted suicide, liberal portions never occurred to us.
So amazed were we, that to push the idea to the limit, we tried a McDonalds…we must report that our two kitties, along for the trip, actually ate some of the ‘meat’. We tried the same thing in Pennsylvania and they shunned it. Finally, even McDonalds had a cherry on top of the shake.
Now here is the rub.

It is sort of like Lenny Bruce’s ‘Jew vs Goy’ bit…only it seems like Lenny was wrong on that one. He said anybody who lives in New York is jewish, whether they are goyim or not. While admittedly goy to the catholic degree at childhood, we can’t help but feel that the whole northeast seaboard, as well as points as far west as Chicago, create the true demarcation.
Try to find some real foods, foods we grew up with and now we seem to have entered a weird zone of culinary depravity. Perhaps being in the east, where European immigrants first landed, exposed us to a variety of victuals. Ethnic foods spread out from immigrant neighborhoods as they became popular with other cultures.
Brie, capers, anchovies, hummus, halvah, Finlandia or Jarlsburg brand swiss or Parmigiano-Reggiano, olive oil from Italy, couscous…mention these items and prepare to be met with a blank stare. Other seemingly unbotchable staples – pizza and bagels, for instance – get ‘the treatment’. To find a simple slice of pizza (crust, sauce, cheese and spices) the closest option is to send out for a Papa John or Domino imitation pie and cut it in the shape of a slice…or make your own. The concept of an italian pizza shop where you can walk in and buy a slice is exactly that, here on the eastern part of the state, a concept. It is an idea that does not exist. Maybe you can get it in Seattle but we have not gotten that far yet.
Forget bagel shops…but the street tacos rule!
We admit to enjoying a bagel at the most fabulous hotel we could find this side of the Cascades, The Davenport Hotel in Spokane. hotelHere, birthplace of Crab Louis (after Louis Davenport), they referred to the smoked salmon as lox and knew well enough to put capers on the plate. For as many salmon as swim through here every year, we expected that most people would be familiar with lox. Maybe they are better off. I did see a number of big fish float belly up in the Columbia River just around migration time, when the state warned residents not to eat the local fish due to dangerous levels of pollutants in the filets.
Hordes of homeless tweakers who live under bridges and eat these fish since a little added protein never hurts a meth binge, are likely unaware of these warnings. A lot of homeless drifters hang here, though, so that makes us feel welcome. Hitch-hikers spot the roads, too. We hadn’t seen one since 2003 in Ireland. No wonder the serial killers like it here.
There is so much to say, so much to compare, so much to type that we will hold it for another day, tomorrow maybe…
~

Sorry for not really promoting the substance abuse this time. We did drink beer while driving across most of the states, though. We shall make up for this in due time.
Thanks all, for coming back to read this blog, and it feels good to be back!

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Speaking of Stupid Bastards

     Gentle Readers,

     We share with you an email we received from the address of your disaster-in-chief,  Bacarat Obama.  It was obviously sent by a minion while the president went through a book of hymns, looking for songs with the word ‘Hosanna’ in them and replacing it with ‘Obama,’ singing softly under his breath…

    This email arrived in response to some off the cuff insults we threw in his direction during the recent town hall meeting on Facebook, where he deftly dodged most questions posed to him and concentrated on getting himself re-elected.  This has nothing to do with Gov. Cartman but we show his photo because we like stupid bastards.

So here is my message from your president. Just remember, we already told him that he sucks:

Michael —

If it were easy to do the big, meaningful things we believe will make our country better — if it were quick — someone would have done those things long before any of us showed up.

We’ve chosen to do something hard.

You know that our victories so far have been hard won: taking the difficult steps necessary to put our economy back on track, reforming Wall Street excess despite an army of lobbyists against us, and making health care more affordable and accessible despite well-organized opposition by those who profit from the status quo.

You also know we have not yet done everything we set out to do — not nearly.

But that’s a reason to work harder, not to let up. That’s why we’re building this campaign now. And you have to take ownership of it.

So I will be direct: Can you step up and make a donation of $5 to get us started?

https://donate.barackobama.com/Begin-Again

We’ve had the chance to make historic changes that touch every American: from passing a law that says women should get an equal day’s pay for an equal day’s work to removing 100,000 troops from Iraq.

Those things and every other important change we’ve made happened because people like you built an organization to win an election in 2008.

The stakes are even higher this time.

As I’ve spoken with supporters who are helping get this campaign started, I’ve met folks who are frustrated by the pace of change.

I understand that. But we knew this wouldn’t be easy. The kind of change we’re working for never comes easily.

Now is the time to begin again, and build the campaign that will shape our country’s future.

Thank you,

Barack

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Is It The End Of The World Yet?

     Followers of Faith,

     Many are heralding the end of our planet Earth, as predicted in the Bible, as the Last Days begin on May 21 and come to the grand finale on October 21 of this year.  We do not question peoples’ religious beliefs, we just report on them if we need material for a blog.

     It is rather hard to ignore the events of recent weeks and months, which seem to put this sphere on the brink of disaster.  That is, after all, why we call this series of blogs The Tipping Point.  It is true that we have reached the tipping point and that things just get worse from here.  If you grew up in America in the 20th century, chances are that you had one of the highest standards of life quality ever afforded to humans during the history of our species.  If you go one hundred years in either direction, 1910 or 2110, conditions would not seem near as comfortable as we in the USA have grown used to.

     These are the final days, no doubt about it.  It takes the sting of death away when you know that, once you leave the Earth, it will never be as nice or as much fun as you knew it to be in life.  The elected officials will have nothing to do with trying to save us, as evidenced by the recent events in Japan.  When the nuclear waste from the accident became a quandry, Japan announced to the world that they would dump all the radioactive materials into the ocean.

     Two days later, they dumped it.  Where was the United Nations? Where was anybody responsible?  How could you ignore the dumping of radiation into the ocean, where it works it way around the world via tides and jet streams?  Picture a green field, full of leafy spinach, or maybe arugula.  Picture the atmosphere sucking the ocean water up into a cloud.  Now look at the rain hitting those green leaves.  Mix in a bit of spilled BP oil and other chemicals and you hardly even need a vinaigrette.

     Once that rain gets into the soil, do you reckon that it can be rinsed off?  No, it becomes part of the cellular structure of the leaf.  It may not kill you immediately but it will add up.  It is a good thing we are so involved in cancer research, since we are going to see the number of patients double, triple or quadruple as the years pass.

     What good thing can we say about the final days?  At some point, it will become the common denominator as rich and poor alike succumb to environmentally-caused diseases.  Then everybody will be equal and the class wars (which are just starting to rumble in the curtains backstage) will not be an issue.

     We have seen so many changes over the last 100 years that the next 100 years will be a real bummer for a convenience-oriented society.  Enjoy life while you can!  If you are older, like Your Humble Narrator, you might as well live it up before things start to really suck.

     What about the end of the world, though?

     Since we are universally denominational at CFYSA, we cannot suggest that you pray to a certain diety or another – although we do suggest that you say your prayers.  Many people are talking about the end, so let us look at what one of our heroes, Arlo Guthrie, had to say on the subject in a recent post on his website…

According to some people, the world will come to a close fairly soon – sometime between now (if you’re reading this it hasn’t happened), and sometime next year 2012. I’m putting together a list of 5 things to do just in case the world actually comes to an end.

1) Clean underwear is a must every day. There may not be laundry in the after life. Be sure to be wearing appropriate attire – a white robe will provide suitably for here and there. Note: Hell is clothing optional, so be prepared for anything. And don’t just leave your clothes in the closet, give to an organization who will pass it along to those who may be traveling with you but don’t have stuff to wear right now.

2) Be generous to your favorite charities After all, they may survive in some parallel universe where they will be able to benefit from your generosity here. The Guthrie Interfaith Church (my favorite 501 c 3 foundation) is always looking for help and is multi-dimensional as well as existing on earth.

3) Leave enough pet food and water for your pets. If you’re wrong and the world doesn’t end, they will miss you but eating helps a broken heart.

4) There’s no mention in scripture of there being female angels. All the angels have male names. So either there’s not much sex in heaven or the after life is part of the gay agenda. Act now before it’s too late.

5) Beware the Mayans. Their calendar ends but it could be a ruse. It could be the date when they plan on returning and taking over the Americas again. They obviously would not wish to announce their coming – thus their calendar just quits giving details. Spending Christmas 2012 under Mayan domination could be enough to rip the heart out of any true believer.

The world ends every day for some people, and each day the worlds begins for others. Despite claims to the contrary, it will be that way for a very long time. Any one who distracts you from caring for each other – coming or going – is selling something. If there’s no one buying, no one can be selling. Don’t be fooled by anyone or any group no matter how sincere they may appear to be. People may believe the world is ending but believing doesn’t make it true.

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K2, JWH Products Still Legal No Matter What You Have Read

     Confused Comrades,

     The fact that horrible scumbag politician Jenifer Mann (R-PA) is still trying to pass legislation against K2 and related products, means one thing – they are still legal.  You may have heard on the TV news or read in your local paper that such products were illegal since November last year.  They lied and the public bought it!

     No law was passed and the stuff is perfectly legal.

     They will try to pass the law again but we suggest you try these fun substances while you can.  We also suggest that you find alternative news sources, if you fell for that line of guff.  That goes for everything, not just substances…do not trust the media because it is manipulated,

     Bottomline, if fat assed Jenifer Mann is trying to outlaw these products, that is the proof they are still legal. Wake up and think for yourselves, Gentle Ones, or much worse will be perpetrated upon you in years to come as the government gets further and deeper into out pockets and homes.

     Look for proof and distrust any authority. 

     Sometimes people are compared to sheep.  In a case like this, it is an insult to the sheep, since sheep will not be deterred unless herded by a sheep dog.  Humans do not even require a dog to control them…ignorance works much better.

     Wake up and look around. Make your own decisions. Don’t follow leaders. Watch your parking meters.

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Drill, Baby, Drill!

     Dear Friends, Foes, Freaks and Fuzzies,

     It looks as though some progress is being made on the domestic oil front, with the 4/8/11 ‘rig and drill report’ noting that Hercules Offshore Drilling, an american company in the gulf, has been granted two drill permits.  Hercules will be drilling for oil monster Chevron, but at least we are seeing a gulf-based company get some long-awaited business.

     CFYSA has set up a charitable trust, which includes american oil company stocks in it’s portfolio.  It also has solar power, wind power and water desalinization companies, as well as a uranium mining company.  We believe in covering all corners.

     Having actively attended the very first Earth Day in 1970, we are very much aware of the implications of using oil.  We know it is not a good thing and that alternative sources must be found.  Five years ago, scientists said we had five years to get the carbon emissions issues in order before we hit the tipping point.  Well, looky-look, because we are now at the tipping point and have still done nothing.  Some people believe that their elected officials have an eye on this and will not allow constituents to die of pure pollution, like those people in NYC back in the 60s.  Good luck on that!

     We all know that solar, wind and nuclear energies are the best ways to get us off of the petrol diet.  What many people do not seem to grasp is that major change often reaches the transition step by step.  We cannot simply stop using oil and switch to solar and wind, or even nuclear energy.  Grids need to be set up, infrastructure put in place and lobbyists fom the alternative energy companies need to find elected officials they can pay off to vote for their products.

     We see how we are bound by foreign oil…or do we?  Is it the oil or our appetites?  In the first decade of this century, everybody from Tony Soprano to your grandma drove an SUV.  We worked in offices at the time and three quarters of the people drove trucks or SUVs and had no reason to do so, aside from the fact that it was cheap and easy to get a car loan.  Who is willing to cut their own consumption?

     Maybe a ban on gas-powered recreational vehicles, like ATVs, jetskis, outboard and inboard motorboats and mini-bikes would chip away at the total of consumed fuel.  It would be nice to include motorcycles but some people do use them to get to work and school, so that is a bit harder to do.  You have to wonder about the brain of a person who gets thier biggest thrill from burning gasoline noisily.  It is one thing if you are under 16 because children do need to play but why not find a form of recreation that does not consume fossil fuel or make a hell of a racket?  In the 1970s, when we grew up, bikes were cool and so were the people who rode them, generally.  Now, any ignorant ass with an extra few thousand dollars and a fat wife has one parked in the yard.  It is like what George Carlin said about tattoos and ear rings…to paraphrase him, it was something like, “In the old days we had these things to piss off the squares; now, it is the squares who have them.”  This is especially true in the case of tattoos and Harleys.

     But we digress…the main point we would like to make is that, yes, oil is bad, mmkay?, but we need to use it wisely until we can transition to other energy sources.  The fact that the first ‘hybrid’ car was built in 1900 and the concept subsequently hidden for a hundred years shows how good we are at transition.  We are not.

     Who wants to try?

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On Our 100th Post…Thanks!!!

     Faithful Readers,

     We have reached the milestone of the 100th blog to be posted on this piece of the blogosphere.  We have gone from K2 to YIFFs to granny gets high to the gulf economy to legal medical marijuana in Washington DC to klepto cat to bullies to insults to Ireland to kimchi to devil sex to ugly incidents with former friends to a number of other subjects.

     We would like to take this opportunity to thank you, Beloved Readers, and to share what we think is one of the ‘high points’ of this blog.  Yesterday, we looked at the blogs which people were reading the most and, in so doing, found a section of a blog which we found humorous enough to laugh out loud at.  We will not reprint the whole blog but will simply pull one paragraph, one which relates to the gulf cluster**** caused by Obama.

     This is not high art, high writing, nor the result of being high.  It just strikes us as funny and so we repeat it and pat ourselves on the back for having the perseverance to come up with about 95 out of 100 fresh new blogs.  This is the favorite passage of the Amusing Scribe, from our post of 12/10/10:

     Another good move by this jackass has been his deliberate shut-off of opportunity to the wounded unfortunates in the Gulf of Mexico – on the American side…the Mexicans are making billions of dollars in marijuana revenue. Our Fearless (with our money) Leader, in the days after the BP oil fountain became the biggest aquatic attraction since Gov. Cartman, Chris Christie (R-NJ) got his fat ass caught in the gubernatorial bathtub and had to be evacuated by being saturated in butter and pried out with a couple of lifeboat oars that were handily available. He decided to shut down all oil production by American companies in the Gulf.

      Thanks for reading and for your continued support!!!

      The ‘Gang’ at CFYSA.

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Bullies and Insults and Bears, Oh My!

     Interested Entities,

     It seems like the national anti-bullying campaign is still gaining steam.  It has nothing to do with Beatdom, the cool literary journal pictured.  I couldn’t find a good bully photo fast enough so it seemed to make sense to remind you all to get your copy of the Beatdom Sex Issue, which features some fine writing, including a few pieces by Your Narrator.

     However, with all the anti-bully rhetoric floating around, we cannot ignore that a large number of readers are brought here by searching on ‘insult,’ due to a recent post.  As an insult maven who sharpened his teeth on gritty replies as early as the second grade, this is found to be an encouraging sign…people are interested in insulting each other again.

     First, let it be known that, as an adult, Your Beloved Scribe, myself that is, only insults people I like.  An insult can be used a little term of endearment…a psychic poke in the ribs.  As far as people who are not liked, they are better off ignored and the insults saved for better subjects.

     One recent blog here noted how ‘insult cards’ were once available at magic and novelty shops.  These were meant to get laughs on stage when your magic trick went wrong, we reckon, but personal use of them was limited to siblings and schoolmates.  One great moment, never to be forgotten, was finding a copy of 1001 Insults For All Occasions in the adult section of the Whitehall Library, in Whitehall, PA.  As a bad kid, reading and writing were the only redeemable values going for me.  By fifth grade, the children’s section was exhausted.  All the Henry Huggins,  Beezus and Ramonas and other serials had been exhausted.  My perception level was not subtle enough to appreciate adult novels but the non-fiction section was a big draw for me.  At that time, in the mid-60s, the library had maybe a half dozen books of insults.

     Needless to say, they were all devoured voraciously.

     There are many resources available to us today, for insulting people all around the world.  My close friend and publisher, who spent a lot of time dealing with Korean insults, may appreciate the following.  I think it is nice to have a site that allows you to annoy foreigners, for a change.  www.insults.net will help you swear in dozens of languages.

     This is what they give you to go up against the Koreans in a battle of words:

How do I swear in Korean ?

Ssibal-seki /
Samanes-seki            - Son of shit
eemee sheemee pek 
     poejee dah         - your mother has a bald pussy
Geseki                  - Son of a bitch

Yumago                  - fuck you

shibseki                - bitch, whore etc.

Ko-chu-pado             - suck my dick

Kochu                   - dick
Dong-mogo               - eat shit

K-sa-key                - bitch

She-pa-nom              - No exact translation but bad
Ja - shick              - You are a bastard.

     This is how they do it in Korea.  As you can see, they are not exactly a well-thought-out style of insult.  These are more like the type of insult you holler out of a car window.  You do not see much of that, anymore, either.  In younger years, one could not be seen in public, walking hand-in-hand with a girl, without some moron driving by and yelling out the car window, “Fuck her! I did!!!”

     You just don’t see this much anymore.
    

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Trending ~ Rock Stars and Books

     Rabid Readers and Word Worshippers,

     The regular delivery of this blog has been somewhat hampered by the introduction of about five fluid ounces of beer to the keyboard of my laptop.  Though blotted up quickly, after a few days the PC started making a noise like two rusty wheels grinding together and became a bit incooperative as regards daily use.  Thanks you for hanging in there while we deal with it.

     Last year, the world of literature saw debut writing from rockers Patti Smith and Keith Richards.  Patti won the 2010 National Book Award for her wonderful account of her life and years with Robert Mapplethorpe and the whole music world is happy for her.  She is currently at work on a detective novel, probably the first of a series, which is eagerly awaited.  Richards, too, made a splash with his 576-page memoir Life.

     In the past, books by rockers have been a ‘hit and miss’ affair.  Bob Dylan’s Tarantula caused a media frenzy until people tried to read it and found it to be too cryptic.  John Lennon fans enjoyed In His Own Write  and A Spaniard In The Works, although they are not too well-known among his fan base, generally.  We have not yet read I, Me, Mine by George Harrison but feel it should be mentioned, by dint of Dylan and Lennon being written about.

In His Own Write and A Spaniard in the Works  Product Details

     This is all great and makes for lots of interesting reading for us rock’n’roll-loving types but it looks like musician/actor/presence Steve Earle has come up with a new twist to the publishing process.  Long known and respected in both country and rock music for his many highly regarded LPs, like Copperhead Road, The Mountain, El Corazon and Transcendental Blues as well as his pre-sober string of hit singles such as Guitar Town, Hillbilly Highway, I Ain’t Ever Satisfied, Goodbye’s All We Got Left and others.  Sadly, a huge number of people know his work but not his name from his work on the soundtrack of the Steve Martin/John Candy comedy, Planes, Trains and Automobiles; a lot of people know his face from his work as an actor on top-rated HBO hit, The Wire.

     True music/lit afficianados may also point to Kinky Freidman, the Texas Jewboy, who has been putting out detective novels and albums for years but, per the general public, lives in obscurity.  He is appreciated more by other musicians and writers than the public, it seems.

     Back to Earle…in April, he will release a new collection of songs, I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive.  Country fans will know that it is the same as the title of the Hank Williams song, which was Williams’ most recent release prior to his untimely death at age 29.  The Hank song does not appear on the LP, although Earle says it is the ‘most country’ album he has done in a long time.  That is the cover, pictured at the start of this blog.  Below is the cover of his first novel, with the same title as the LP, which will be released in May, just after the collection of songs.

     Pre-release reviews are very good.  Patti Smith said, “Steve Earle brings to his prose the same authenticity, poetic spirit and cinematic energy he projects in his music.I’ll Never Get Out of This World Alive is like a dream you can’t shake, offering beauty and remorse, redemption in spades.”  There are many other good reviews but a good one from Patti is enough for Your Humble Narrator.  Well, we did mention Kinky, so we should quote him, too, as saying, “Steve Earle is afflicted with the curse of being multitalented. A legendary musician, songwriter, entertainer, poet, and social activist, now with this debut novel he proves that he’s a novelist of the first order. Laying bare the emotional history of country music, he takes the reader through a dark seedy dangerous world and back into a dawn of redemption. Steve Earle writes like a shimmering neon angel.” 

     The title is not just a rip-off from Hank’s catalogue.  It figures into the plot, as does Hank.  Some of us still can’t get enough of Hank.  Since we have not read the book, we can not accurately describe it, so we offer the sysnopsis which is available on amazon.com. It goes like this:

Doc Ebersole lives with the ghost of Hank Williams—not just in the figurative sense, not just because he was one of the last people to see him alive, and not just because he is rumored to have given Hank the final morphine dose that killed him.

In 1963, ten years after Hank’s death, Doc himself is wracked by addiction. Having lost his license to practice medicine, his morphine habit isn’t as easy to support as it used to be. So he lives in a rented room in the red-light district on the south side of San Antonio, performing abortions and patching up the odd knife or gunshot wound. But when Graciela, a young Mexican immigrant, appears in the neighborhood in search of Doc’s services, miraculous things begin to happen. Graciela sustains a wound on her wrist that never heals, yet she heals others with the touch of her hand. Everyone she meets is transformed for the better, except, maybe, for Hank’s angry ghost—who isn’t at all pleased to see Doc doing well. 

A brilliant excavation of an obscure piece of music history, Steve Earle’s I’ll Never Get Out of This World Alive is also a marvelous novel in its own right, a ballad of regret and redemption, and of the ways in which we remake ourselves and our world through the smallest of miracles.

     In reading this, it looks like they rewrote Patti’s review, the word ‘redemption’ is too coincidental and the use of the word ‘regret’ hectors the word ‘remorse’ in Patti’s review.  So that is how Amazon gets their descriptions…plagiarism.  I did not expect that insight to surface!  Anyway, get ready for some good reading and listening, too.

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