Educated Readers,
We do not assume you to be a bully and we think that the modern method of handling bullies is getting to be a bit hysterical. Children insult each other in play, they always have. It is about learning to use your wits and standing up to reply when somebody slings one your way. When Your Humble Narrator was a child, they sold insult cards at the store. They made up part of the GDP. Don Rickles made a career of it and kept us laughing for how many decades?
Not to encourage anything, we found the following insults, courtesy of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary people. The dictionary people may refer to bully-speak as simply, ‘snapping’. Here are the Top Ten from the guardians of the language…
~#1: Cockalorum…
Definition: a boastful and self-important person; a strutting little fellow
About the word: If cockalorum suggests a crowing cock, that’s because cockalorum probably comes from kockeloeren – an obsolete Dutch dialect verb meaning “to crow.”
~#2: Lickspittle…
Definition: a fawning subordinate; a suck-up
About the word: Lick plus spittle says it all: someone who licks another person’s spit is pretty low indeed. Incidentally, lickspittle keeps company with bootlicker (“someone who acts obsequiously”).
~#3: Smellfungus…
Definition: an excessively faultfinding person
About the word: The original Smelfungus was a character in an 18th century novel. Smelfungus, a traveler, satirized the author of Travels through France and Italy, a hypercritical guidebook of that time.
~#4: Snollygoster…
Definition: an unprincipled but shrewd person
About the word: The story of its origin remains unknown, but snollygoster was first used in the nasty politics of 19th century America. One definition of the word dates to 1895, when a newspaper editor explained “a snollygoster is a fellow who wants office, regardless of party, platform or principles….”
~#5: Ninnyhammer…
Definition: ninny; simpleton, fool
About the word: The word ninny is probably a shortening and alteration of “an innocent” (with the “n” from “an” getting transferred to the noun) and “hammer” adds punch. Writers who have used the word include J.R.R. Tolkien in the Lord of the Rings trilogy: “You’re nowt but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee.”
~#6: Mumpsimus…
Definition: a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong
About the word: Supposedly, this insult originated with an illiterate priest who said mumpsimus rather than sumpsimus (“we have taken” in Latin) during mass. When he was corrected, the priest replied that he would not change his old mumpsimus for his critic’s new sumpsimus.
~#7: Milksop…
Definition: an unmanly man; a mollycoddle (a pampered or effeminate boy or man)
About the word: Milksop literally means “bread soaked in milk.” Chaucer was among the earliest to use milksop to describe an unmanly man (presumably one whose fiber had softened). By the way, the modern cousin of milksop, milquetoast, comes from Caspar Milquetoast, a timid cartoon character from the 1920s.
~#8: Hobbledehoy…
Definition: an awkward, gawky young man
About the word: Hobbledehoy rhymes with boy: that’s an easy way to remember whom this 16th century term insults. Its origin is unknown, although theories about its ancestry include hobble and hob (a term for “a clownish lout”).
~#9: Pettifogger…
Definition: shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable
About the word: The petti part of this word comes from petty, meaning “insignificant” (from the French petit, “small”). As for fogger, it once meant “lawyer” in English. According to one theory, it may come from “Fugger,” the name of a successful family of 15th- and 16th-century German merchants and financiers. Germanic variations of “fugger” were used for the wealthy and avaricious, as well as for hucksters.
~#10: Mooncalf…
Definition: a foolish or absentminded person
About the word: The original mooncalf was a false pregnancy, a growth in the womb supposedly influenced by a bad moon. Mooncalf then grew a sense outside the womb: simpleton. It also morphed into a literary word for a deformed monster. For instance, in Shakespeare’s The Tempest, Stephano entreats Caliban, “Mooncalf, speak once in your life, if thou beest a good mooncalf.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In conclusion, we at CFYSA were heartened to find the inclusion of insult number ten, mooncalf. It is a personal favorite, having been culled from the dialogue of the great 1940, W.C. Fields film, The Bank Dick. Here is how it was used in the movie, as W.C., as Egbert Souse’, talks his son-in-law into investing in stock in the fictitious ‘Beefsteak Mines’….
Egbert Sousé: Don’t be a luddy-duddy! Don’t be a mooncalf! Don’t be a jabbernowl!
You’re not those, are you? If not, there are some fresh words to use and confuse the person you insult at the same time. Hopefully, they will own a dictionary.
Last Notes From a Tumbleweed Bastard 